I think I always knew I would one day be writing this post. I hoped I was wrong.

I watched so many good people, who tried so hard, leave here. Dennis defied the odds, and I felt selfish even reading the posts. Why did he make it, and not the others? After drinking for years after remission, and never stopping smoking, did he have a right to survive? Now, I'm back, and I feel little asking for support.

Dennis has been diagnosed with a recurrant tumor on the base of his tongue. On Sept. 4th, he will have this removed, along with the lymph nodes on the left side, with a pec flap. The feeding tube will be put back in, and a trach will be necessary........at least while in the hospital.

I don't feel like I can justify what he is putting himself through......let alone the boys. The oldest is 16, and suffering terribly. The youngest.......well, he is trying to deny the problem exists.

I'm not asking for help, or hope. I guess I just need to explain how I feel during this. There is nobody around who really understands.

Should I prepare my sons for the worst, or go with the sometimes impersonal, yet optomistic, medical demeanor?

Mandi