AMK -

I apologize for yet another never-ending message. I'm just trying to come up with anything that may be helpful to you. We care a great deal about Kim and you and want to see the very best outcome.

Many of us (probably most) went through some significant periods of time not being able to talk, eat, or even breath. And during that period, which may extend for many, many months, it was not a quality of life we were happy with. My situation wasn't as "serious" (though that's like saying your a little pregnant and a lot pregnant) as others, but there were quite a few times I spoke to my husband through AOL IM. He's sitting 6 feet from me, and that's the only way I could communicate to him. Or days I just couldn't get down those Ensures/water and lost weight/became dehydrated.

However, those situations did pass. They just take a while. Either we healed back to talking, eating, etc. or we adjusted to our "new normal". She's not able to breath now because the cancer is blocking her throat. That is fixable.

She's not able to eat b/c who CAN after those major surgeries and with the cancer blocking her throat. There are a some on this board that stuck with their PEG tubes for an extremely long time b/c they had to. Do they wish eating "normally" was an option for them? Sure. Do they prefer death over the PEG tube? I highly doubt it. I'm two months out of treatment, and still drinking at least 2 meals a day. That will eventually change, but even if it didn't, it's still worth fighting to live for (in my opinion).

There also people here that can't talk. You can ask the same questions as above and come with the same answers. What about people that are naturally mute? They've adjusted and live a life with QUALITY. It will just take time to get to that point.

As for the doctors - they all make mistakes, this one being outrageous in magnitude, but it does happen. Has Kim lost faith in these particular doctors? What if you went to another major cancer treatment center and met with new doctors? Miss Vicki's probably ready to beat me, b/c I seem to say that for everyone . But it's a possiblity, right?

What about clinical trials at various centers? Jsut a suggestion on pooling family resources together, if it's an option: My co-worker (Brian) who sits in the next cube over is in a similar situation. His mother has pancreatic cancer and very few treatment options are available. She's in CT, his brother is in NY, and he's in Boston. As we speak, he's meeting with Mass Gen'l (and later this week Dana Farber) on their clinical trials. He brings his mother's records with him, but not his mother, and discusses her options with the doctors. The brother is doing the same with Sloan in NY. Another brother is going to the CT hospital appointments with the mother.

You may be able to send records to these major centers and speak via phone to the doctors. See what course of action they would take. Brian and I went onto Mass Gen'l and Dana Farbers website and downloaded the clinical trial decriptions.

Keep us posted. You're in our prayers every chance we get to say them.

Sabrina