Thank you for everyones replies and support, I feel like this is the only place I have for people who really understand how I feel. One of my biggest regrets is I am 30 years old and never married but have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and for the first time ever my father absolutly loved him ( My father was a tough old bird when it came to his baby(me)) And believe me our relationship was not the normal father/daughter relationship. We had a very open best friend relationship, I loved partying with him before he was sick and did so instead of with my friends, hell my friends would rather go where he was because he was always the life of the party. I could tell him anything, good, bad, and he would just give suggestions and always accepted me for who I was no matter what. But the point I was trying to make is I wanted to be married before he died with him on my arm, and we tried to arrange that after the benefit I put together for him but things just went to quick. When I say quick I mean trying to get him to other facilities that specialized in cancer and maybe could possibly help, nor he or I where willing to give up. So therefore the wedding was put on the back burner. Since his death I have been told my my fiance that my father approached him in confidence about how he approved of Steve(my boyfriend) taking my hand in marriage and also he knew he would not be around for it so he buried a box of money and told him not me, where it was buried for when we got married. Why you are probably wondering did he hide it, well a couple of reasons one his greedy wife (which he had other money left from the benefit which was hidden because she would spend it and used to be an iv drug user, he didn't trust her, and two my father liked mind games he wanted you to figure things out. and to this day she still has no clue where the other money is. And I get a real kick out of that, nor do I know where it is but I know how the thought and possible places it would be. I am real anxious for Steve to find the box for me before we get married only because I think there is a letter in there for me, I could careless about the money I just want to read his final thought and words to me. He would write me little notes here and there the last few months and sign them with Love Your Hope Angel. And that was because I bought him a little like keepsake angle made of medal and it was about hope, I carried mine with me at all times and my father decided he would drill a little hole in the top and where it on a chain around his neck and there for a while he belived it was giving him the hope he needed because we would go to the doctors after that and he had gained alittle weight(like 3 lbs).
Oh here I go agian just rambling, this is all probably trival to some but I love talking about him and I feel my friends and family on my mothers side are sick of hearing about him- they say I dwelling. Maybe I should just write in a journal, but then I would get no feed back and I feel like there are people hear that know and understand and I look forward to everyone responses and advice.

Hope Everyone Has a Happy and Safe Thanksgiving.

Sincerely,

Kelly