ChristineB, thank you so much for writing all that you did.

Firstly, let me say that I'm sorry you've had to go through all of what you have. You must be a very strong person. I felt great sadness upon reading all that you cannot now do, due to OC.

I apologize if it seems I'm making light of your situation and that of others by discussing precancer. That is not my intention.

I do have mental illness, I'm on 3 antidepressants and an antipsychotic and an antianxiolytic. The illness almost took my life on 2014. I cannot work now and I'm paying to see the oral pathologist. My health insurance doesn't have a good dental plan.

I'm scared that one more straw will break the camel's back.

I was hospitalized twice in 2019 for my mental illness.

I have a psychiatrist, a therapist, a mental health forum which I've joined and I also call the crisis line.

The worst for me now is that I feel so utterly guilty about having been a heavy smoker. I hate myself, but then tears come to my eyes when I say that as I was only trying to survive ironically ... I disregarded the warnings on the packages ... I was in deep denial.

My mouth is really dry due to the psych meds - this has caused the thrush (which is now gone) - but the oral pathologist has now prescribed pilocarpine to increase saliva.

When I last met her, I was the one who had to ask for the renewal of pilcarpine and she didn't tell me what's next, nor did she examine my mouth and head... she said for me to examine my mouth and I cannot do this as I'm too afraid, so I was supposed to see her in 6 months but instead contacted her to request 2 biopsies (side of tongue bump and roof of mouth indentation), so I will see her this Thursday. She did, however, give me the report which says the mass is :
Verriciform Leukoplakia, an oral precancer.

As I was saying partially in another post, my inner cheeks have leukoplakia, I have white patches on the sides of my tongue and there's a new bump on the side of my tongue which hurts so I was trying to stop the pain with orajel. And there's a large white patch on the roof of my mouth due to who knows what? But there's an indentation in it and the skin feels like sandpaper.

I really appreciate being a part of this group and hope you'll allow me to remain. I will endeavour to not speak so much about my mental illness and keep on topic about the state of my mouth.

Tomorrow, I see my gp and will ask for an ENT as some food now goes up in the back of the left nostril.

Any questions, I should ask my gp or oral pathologist would be welcome.

Thank you so much...