Hi Carmel,
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I'm hugely organised and planned. Whenever I think of a question to ask one of my team I put it on my phone s do that I can ask it at the right time.
I've got a counselling session booked for Wednesday so I can talk through my fears.
I'm also very lucky where my husband, family and friends are ridiculously supportive for me.

I was just having a bit of a wobble. My husband had just gone away with some friends and all of the "What Ifs" from the dark part of my brain started going on and on. I cried. I cried a lot. I got angry and then I got scared and then I wobbled.

My surgery is a week tomorrow and I honestly can't wait for my tumour to be removed. I'm uncomfortable and already on a lot of morphine sulphate (tablets & liquids) nsaids and paracetamol. I hate feeling 'bunged up' so I have to take senna to keep me regular. I hate feeling sluggish. I hate that my tongue is completely alien to me. I hate this feeling of not being in control.
I can't wait to get this thing out of me.

I'm just nervous about what I'm going to wake up with. Will they take two thirds of my tongue, as planned? Will something have gone wrong and they'll need to take all of my tongue? Or will the immunotherapy have shrunk the tumour and they only take half?

I totally understand people's understanding being way off. My lovely sister in law said she'd like to take me to a restaurant when my surgery & radiotherapy are complete. It's a beautiful thought and gesture but I'm anxious about that and I've not had the surgery yet! Lol.
Oh and my mum applauds my weight loss (I've always been big but mostly comfortable with it).

I've friends who tell me I should have lots of people around me to prevent me from getting depressed, but I need to hermit away to accept my new life. Those friends are currently on 'mute' until further notice 😉