Amy, our boys responded as differently from one another as their personalities are anyway--and each child will be different. My youngest (8) was very apprehensive of the hospital and was fearful to come near me but continuously (from a distance) told me he loved me and wanted me home--and he is my most affectionate one. My oldest (10 now but still 9 last fall) made a strong effort to "be brave" and climbed in my hospital bed with me (after he was assured he wouldn't hurt that side of me) and held my hand while we watched T.V.

Two years ago, my surgery wasn't as disfiguring but they did not come to the hospital because I wanted to protect them at their still-young ages. My youngest had a cyst on his neck removed when he was only 3 (which may explain the "hospital trauma") and his stitches didn't heal smoothly so we joked that "Mommy has a zipper-neck just like Josiah" and he was okay with that.

We laugh a lot with them and we hug and show/tell our love and affection often. I don't think the reassurance from that stops with children--we all need it--but it's a definite part of their acceptance of tragedy.

Alex sounds like a very aware child to ask a question like that. I think eye to eye focus and an honest and simple discussion of the situation (with descriptions of what things will look like at different stages) might alleviate his fears.

I've come to believe, after observing my own and others' children's reactions to my condition, that we don't give enough credit to children's ability to comprehend. But I want to emphasize that this should be approached with much caution due to a child's vivid imagination and the need for appropriate age/maturity adaptation. We let our boys know that any question they had was fine, they wouldn't hurt our feelings, and we let them know that we were the best source for their answers--not their friend or some other adult. We didn't want well-meaning but/or ignorant people misinforming them.

Just like with us, they fear what they don't know and understand. If we help them understand they're less likely to fear and often more likely to want to be part of the solution. I hope that's on the right track to helping!

Ruth