Jasper, one more recounting for you, just because your words sound akin to some feelings I experienced. Actually I came down with stage 3 prostate cancer a few years back, and am on this site because I have a close friend with cancer in a salivary gland. Anyway...

What struck me strongly was how this came upon me right out of the blue and just set up a whole new trajectory for the rest of my life. And I felt ambushed or something like that. And I kept reminding myself that this was all real and no going back and so be it. I'd have to just go forward in the changed reality. But it sure made me sad.

But as it has played out things have not changed so much, I am healthy once again. I'm fortunate. But I was ready to accept and learn to be me under a changed reality that I hadn't wanted. So perhaps that internal acceptance has been a good learning for me. And however things turn for you, I can suppose that there will be plenty of good in it, and room for you to be yourself.