Welcome. If you made it this far without many complications, you are doing good. How one does during treatment is a measurement how one will do in recovery, but there are no guarantees for anything, cancer or no cancer. Another positive is being HPV positive, which responds well to treatments, and has less recurrences compared with tobacco related. Like any traumatic event, one goes through several phases to recovery, emotionally, from the initial shock, denial, anger or blame, depression, and finally acceptance. There is no set time for each, and some may or may not need assistance.

I sort of can relate, how will you continue, not let anyone see you weakened. All my jobs entailed me to respond to situations when others needed help or ran themselves, and was in a position of authority since my teens, and funny they were always related to protecting people one way or another. Just from chemo treatment, I went from mid 200's, i exercised all my life, to 130lbs in a few weeks, if that, no longer able to walk for 10 months, blinded, and heath severely compromised to near death. People that knew me from were shocked, and probably scared them for the rest of their lives, saying if it coud happen to me, it can happen to them, but I was able to somewhat recover, and still am 4 years later, unable or protect a mouse lol. I'm probably one of the worst case scenarios, but if I can do it, so can you.

Good luck with the rect of your treatments, and continue to do what you're doing. If you have any questions, ask your doctors, and post questions here.