the last 4 weeks have been very buisy,we've had alot of firsts,mothers day, first trip to a family holiday shack without dad,1st granddaughters 21st which dad had set as a date he wanted to be able to eat something and have a beer and generally feel well enough to enjoy the day,first stay at mums with out dad being there,i know there are plenty more to come and that each will be as hard as the other,this is the first wkend that we have nothing on and im not looking forward to it,keeping buisy seems to have helped,its the quiet times at night that my mind turns to dad,dont want a whole wkend of quiet !lm still struggling to come to terms with the reality of it all,l do know one thing for sure, so far it hasnt got easier its got harder, the crying just starts up anywhere any time and i cant stop it...i can hear him and see him like it was only yesterday ,l just cant get my head around the fact that i wont see him again, i honestly dont know how to go on with out him in my life...it trueley sux !!!!