Hey Steve,

I was very close to where you are right now. I was told the 33 rounds of IMRT with chemo weekly did not get all the cancer after my recurrence. That was my second set of IMRT radiation in two years and I was only 4 weeks from the finish of treatment when the PET showed the residual cancer.

I could have given up right then as they had nothing more for me and wanted to put me on palliative chemo with a 9 month prognosis till death.

I decided to try and find a doctor that would do surgery even though everybody told me that surgery would kill me (but they also told me that I could not have any more radiation).

Within a few weeks I found a place that would do cyberknife radiation (5 treatments over 11 days). I really had to think about this. I was only a few weeks out of IMRT and was feeling terrible. I didn�t think I could do more radiation. I wasn�t sure I had it left in me let alone the quality of life issues coming out the back end.

Well I did decide to go with the radiation and it worked. I can no longer eat by mouth (I can drink) and even though I am 10 months out I am fairly fatigued every day. I wake up in pain every morning as it feels like someone slammed me in the side of the head with a 2X4. A few pain meds and aspirin generally gets rid of this in about 45 min.

I don�t regret the decision. I have to change the way I live but I am alive. I miss eating but not as much as I thought I would. I have a wife and son who want me around and I want to be around for them.

I found that quality of life is what you make it. I have a completely different view on what quality is and it continues to change every day. I�m working again and am thinking of starting a side business making table tops from exotic woods (something I always wanted to do). I�m OK financially as long as I watch my money and have lowered my sights regarding having tons of money one day. I live a much simpler life then I did just two years ago. I�m OK with that but I had to evolve into this attitude over many months. I hope you try and go one more round with the beast and possibly give yourself that same time to find a balance in your life that allows you to live with a quality of life you can accept. Take a look at cyberknife just the same. It�s faster with fewer side effects.