Kelly

Yeah, very familiar with those "bad nights". It is dispiriting to hear such negative comments from your ENT, but it's very important to put them into the context of the speaker. I'd bet serious money that this ENT would not have lasted 5 minutes in the Amazon, let alone conquer even a small percentage of the odds you have routinely beaten in your life. No doubt in my mind that this ENT would just give up and die in a hospice rather than continue fighting. But you?

You are young, with a wife and family. The surgery just isn't the end of the world. Of course it's brutal, but honestly, would this be the first time you did brutal? I think not. If an old guy like me can have the entire floor of mouth/base of tongue carved out, a flap put in, jaw split, neck dissection, traech in and permanent feeding tube and then need 12 days in the hospital to recover, you can do this.

Time for you to hook up with an experienced prosthodontist. Mine made me two different palate drops to help with speech. Plus a good prosthodontist can make excellent oral prosthesis.

The question of when to say when can only be answered by each of us, and I used to really really hate everyone telling me how "tough" I was, and what a fighter I was - but you know what? It's true and it's true for you. So you got an extremely candid self assessment of your ENT's fighting spirit and spunk, don't let it spook you.

Let me gently remind you that you have traveled off the beaten path before, that's why you are a member in good standing of the Adventurer's club and your ENT is not.
Having said that, IMO this is tougher than anything else you have done but it's a struggle worth fighting.

Keep the Faith
Charm