Having a bad night,
Every time I look back in and see the Ulcer it is bigger and meaner. The biopsy only said there was no cancer at the surface which was dead ulcerated tissue. ENT did not take a punch biopsy but used a snip tool to get a surface sample There is still a chance that this thing is one big tumor underneath. If they have to cut this thing out as cancer they will have to take the whole back of my mouth and probably half my upper jaw.

I guess the thing that got me the most was the ENT here when he first looked at it. He asked me if I really wanted to keep fighting this. He said hospice is an option. He described the problem with recurrent localized cancers and the fact that they have a tendency to come back faster and more aggressively each time. I think he was hinting at the idea that this would not be the last surgery if I chose that option and it would be brutal.

As I get nearer to my appointment in Pittsburgh I am faced with just that question �When to say when�. Whatever happens, it�s going to be painful. This thing is now bigger than a quarter and hurts like hell. Most of it covers my soft palet so I am worried about losing that. The one thing I did have left was my voice and the ability to drink fluids. I�ll lose most of both of those abilities with the soft palet gone.

Time to break out a Zanex and try and rest before all the travel.