Hi John, I've not read every post in this thread, but your rant was brilliant.

First, if you've not already, just suck it up and apologise to your mom.....she'll understand, I think! It's the only thing you can do. Water under the bridge and all that.

Next, you appear to be going through a period of mourning for the loss of the life you had, that perhaps you took for granted. I can relate A LOT! There was a period of time that I really believed I wasn't going to make it. Not to scare you, and my darkest hours were probably mostly down to a rare bad reaction to the steroids they gave me along with all the rest, so you might sail right through.

But, don't lose the lesson.

You *are* alive. And *this* is your life. And you can chose to play the cards you're dealt, or not. Big tip; play the cards. You may as well.

I was just 43 when this broadsided me, and yes, it really did upset the apple cart, and in a way, took two years out of my life. Never ever saw it coming.

My train is back on the tracks. My life view is forever altered, but largely for the better.

Deep breathe, gather your people for support, you may need it. You may not, and I wish that for you. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

-Seth