Hey, everyone. I'm so glad I found this message board. Please allow me to fill you in on my husband's cancer diagnosis. He is 48 and was diagnosed with a Stage 1 carcinoma of the retromolar region just over a year ago. He had been a long-time pipe smoker and had quit only 6 weeks before when a sore in the mouth that wouldn't heal sent him to the doctor. The lesion was surgically removed and he had 33 radiation treatments to the right neck/jaw area. He suffered mouth sores and thrush post-radiation, and we visited the doctor many times trying to get relief. We kept getting "wait and see; it's probably just more radiation side-effects" from the ENT surgeon, and long story short, five doctors later a CT was done after a lump to the right neck appeared. We took the CT to the original surgeon, and he did not even tell my husband he has cancer again...just referred us to University of Virginia Med Center (4 hours from where we live), where they wasted no time telling my husband the news is very serious. They did a biopsy to confirm. So, less than 12 months after the first diagnosis and we are hearing he has cancer of hard palate, right tonsil, and some lymph nodes in right neck.

In order to see if the cancer would respond to chemo (radiation is out since it was done before), the docs at UVa put my husband on aggressive chemo but the chemo was very hard on him --blood counts crashed quickly and he got very weak after each of the first two rounds [three weeks apart] of Cisplatin, Taxeterre, and 5-FU. So now he is on a new chemo drug called Methotrexate. The oncologist doesn't seem as confident as before and said he will confer with the otolaryngologist about scheduling surgery sooner rather than later, probably by the end of January. We know he will have to have removal of many upper teeth, hard palate, tonsil, and have a right neck dissection. He will have a prosthesis for his palate. Following surgery, more Methotrexate will be administered. My husband already has a PEG tube in place since he has been on a liquid diet for over two months due to the biopsy puncturing his hard palate (whatever he eats or drinks comes out his nose!). He doesn't sound like himself, and it's also physically exhausting to talk. He has had to take an extended leave from work (literature professor). Although he has a very positive attitude, he often feels frustrated due to the limitations this cancer has put on him. Even still, he does not whine, has never done the "why me" thing, and feels so confident that if he just has "a chance" he can get through this. We have not asked doctors about statistics or stages; we feel that will limit our view and we don't want or need that at this point.

I guess I'm posting here because I don't feel like I'm coping with all of this as well as I should be. How do I stay sane and positive through all this? We have been married only 1 1/2 years, and he is absolutely the light of my life and of my two teenage daughters' lives as well. I want to be as strong and supportive as I can be...not depressed and worried all the time!