I come from the opposite end of the spectrum and couldn't bear the "is he going to die?" question written all over people's faces. Instead of enduring their discomfort whilst they fished around asking questions that might be inoffensive but gave them no assistance as to where the playing field was, I preferred to address the elephant in the room directly.

Like this forum there are some that gravitate towards the support and others that go for bald facts. Some find the information too confronting and others feel empowered by it. I personally found it empowering most of the time but there were weeks when I just couldn't read some of the posts for fear of what I might discover.

My approach was the complete opposite to most other posters so far and whilst I appreciate that at least half (maybe more) the population would think this question rude, I was glad to hear the question which allowed me to answer just as directly.

I think the answer has to come down to how individuals feels about the question. If you think it rude, then a simple "we are in very good hands and hope for the best" should send a clear message to the insensitive souls such as myself that the line has been crossed and that a little less directness is in order.

For myself and Alex, I would let people off the hook with "do not concern yourself that you might upset us - there is nothing you can ask that we havent already considered ourselves. If you are prepared to hear the bad and the ugly, then ask anything you like".

The advantage of this approach was that people were given a realistic picture of what we were going through and this helped me at work as sudden brain snaps and uncharacteristic tears were immediately understood and catered to.

I think there are times when we are our own worst enemies with minimising the issues to the point where people cannot possibly understand as they are given sanitised information by the very people best able to educate them.

Although I must share with you the reaction of the "scaly mates" from the local hotel (hearts of gold every one of them!). They would greet Alex and I when we came back from the doctors with something inane like "lost a bit of weight mate" which at the time was the understatment of the year but acknowledged in their blokey way that they were paying attention. The second Alex went to the bathroom, one of them would lean over to me and say "so, how is he really?". Now for some this might be offensive, for me it made my heart brim that they cared enough to consider Alex but could see straight through his upbeat platitudes.