...and lost my grip. The gift that keeps on giving gave us one we were not expecting...and just in time for the holidays.

On 11/30, J was fired from his job after working for 35 years at the company. His only bad review was the one in March when he was recovering from chemo and all that he went through with the diagnosis and then the misdiagnosis. With the exception of all the doctor appointments and treatment appointments, he took only the alloted amount of sick time for the two surgeries and oral surgery and had approval to work at home for the rest of the days he missed.

Co-workers had made comments about his forgetfulness. I've noticed it--flooded dining room from a garden hose left on outside, driving with a canceled car insurance policy because he forgot about it even after a call from the insurance rep. He was working longer hours and on weekends because his concentration was off. A former vendor hired him to start on 1/3/12 doing a similar job. But, how long before they realize he isn't able to keep up? He got the job on his reputation. But, he isn't that person anymore.

California's tort reform laws dating back to the 1970's are hampering any chance of filing a malpractice suit regarding J's misdiagnosis. Most likely, we won't even be able to recoup any of our costs for the unnecessary surgeries, doctor visits, etc. The quality of health care in California has suffered because of medical tort reform. Doctors can make serious errors and are rarely held accountable. So, they have become careless. And, their victims, who can little afford it, are left to deal with the long term damage.

The events of the past two years include my mother dying on the grounds of an assisted living facility. She got locked outside during the afternoon of a 110 degree summer day, wandered to the opposite side of a 7 acre facility and died on a walkway. Her body was out there overnight before a person coming for a meeting in the morning found her. We don't know how long she was out there before she died. There were no security cameras. The corporation that owns the facility said cameras were not worth the expense. Residents (including my mother) were paying a minimum of $5000 per month to live there.

They never even looked for her even when she didn't show up for dinner the night before her body was found. But, again, no justice. The coroner didn't put a cause of death on the death certificate nor on his report. Since is wasn't clear exactly when she died (although they figured she died the day before she was found) or why she died it hurt our case.

I'm not a litigious person. No amount of money can ever make any of it right. I am just crushed by the ineptitude, greed, and dishonesty of professionals we trust with our life and the lives of people we love. I can't stomach the lack of justice and the lack of moral responsibility. It hit me really hard today. I know I should let it go. It's really difficult for me to do that.

Just needed to vent. Spent a great portion of the day in tears. Not my usual day. But, I've really just lost hope and have little remaining faith in the medical professions...little remaining faith in anything or anyone outside of my friends and children.

I feel like all the time I spent striving for justice has been a complete waste of time, energy and emotion. It's like being victimized all over again.