Oh I get my "me" time. Rick is very conscious of my need for it and the kids accept that's just the way it is. When he was first diagnosed I was wound pretty tight. I threw away the cigarettes the day after reading the CT report. (He quit many years ago.) Did I miss them? Not in the slightest.

A week or so later I went to the local pool for a swim because I find water relaxing. I still wasn't ready to come home after my swim so I went for a walk on the beach. I wasn't ready to stop when I got to the end so I continued up the track at the headland. I went up to a lookout, one that I had been up to in the past. Although I was out of breath, it wasn't unpleasant like it had been the last time I went.

I have continued exercising as a way to cope. It makes me feel powerful and in control. It is a guilt-free escape. And I'm finding the hills don't seem very steep and the ocean doesn't feel as cold. I am choosing not to be bothered by some things anymore. You might want to check back with me in 5 years but something fundamentally changed at 3:25pm Tuesday October 25th. For better AND for worse, I will never be the same.