I'm sooo sorry for what you and your husband are going through! What your husband said really struck a chord with me because I heard almost the same exact words from my son when he was going through treatment. He got mad at me, too and told me that I didn't understand and didn't know how he was feeling and that the pain was too much, that his throat was raw and bleeding and he just couldn't swallow anything. He was depressed and I felt so badly for him. So I did just what you did just now. I came on to OCF, and got some practical help and compassion. One of the OCF "angels" told me I should put on my "nurse from Hell hat" and tell him what was what. So I did. I told him that he had to start eating and drinking or I would call my daughter (his older sister who is a police officer with a gun) and get her to come over to help me push him into my car and take him to the hospital to get a feeding tube put in. Somehow that got him jump started. I felt so badly about yelling at him while he was suffering so much, I knew I was about to fall apart, so I left and drove around the neighborhood and just cried my heart out.

Now, for some other ideas:
1) My son used "magic mouthwash" which is a prescription the doctor can give you to numb the area used in swallowing. My son said it only worked for a short time so it's probably a good idea to try to get as much nutrition in in the early moments of eating as possible. There are different types of mouthwash and my son switched back and forth on this because when one didn't work as well anymore, he would go to something else and then found that the original mouthwash worked ok again. There was one - don't remember now which one- that was OTC (over the counter) at the drugstore which worked well, too.
2) Tube feeding. My son never did get the feeding tube but there are lots of different experiences and advantages on OCF re tube feeding and you could do a search (see search box upper right this page) to see what might help your husband.
3) You could make a chart - which is what I did - of everything your husband manages to consume in food or liquids. You could include med on the chart, too and also what comes out of his body. This way, my son didn't have to feel like his mother was telling him what to do and he could see for himself what his progress was. I made it clear I would show the doctor the chart.
4) I would print out postings from other OCF people and just leave them by my son's bed for him to see when he woke up and this became the advice known as "what other people are telling me and not my mother telling me what to do".
5) YOU: It is important to take care of yourself. Caregivers can get stressed and depressed and fail to get proper nutrition. Make sure to check with your doctor about what your needs might be. From what you say, it does seem like there are some positives to hang on to in that your husband does have moments when he can eat so there is still lots of hope. I'm sure you will get ideas from others with some more recent experience. Let us know what is happening.