Hello Roger!! Roger my man! Big Rodge!
Sorry I guess I'm feeling rather caffeinated this morning, I'll bring it down a notch.
Ok my friend, it is OK to vent! In fact you need it! Get those feelings out in the open, either through talking or writing so that you can see them, analyze them and deal with them accordingly. If you don't they'll chew you up and spit you out.
First I want to invite you to read my blog on the Coping Anger/Fear forums called "Letting the Healing Begin..." it's just a post or two down from this one at the moment. It's been my way of helping me deal with a lot of the realizations that you've made for yourself and maybe you can relate to some of the things that have helped me through and cope.
It is a scary thing to realize you are not guaranteed your next breath and we are different people after we've faced our own mortality. The hardest thing to do after that realization is to go back to living a "normal" life. In part that's why it's called the "new" normal. Those of us affected by this cancer can have lasting issues as you've pointed out, a few of us to the extreme due to disfigurement and other complications. What we've found however in cases like mine, ChristineB and Charm2017 (and many others) is that life IS still sweet despite what we face. It's a daily struggle to keep optimistic which is why we have our support networks and build relationships with people that can relate to where we are and where we've been.
Today despite your struggles my friend is a good day because you are on the "right side of the grass", you just have to choose to make it that way. Choice my friend, your choice on how you feel, how you react to your situation, how you live each day, each minute you've been granted. It's a hell of a responsibility but one you can handle I think. Welcome to reality, I'm glad you're aboard! In an odd way it's kind of like the Matrix when Neo is offered the choice between the red or blue pill. The blue pill representing the blissful illusion of ignorance while the red pill signifies the painful truth of reality. The blue pill would let Neo live out his days as a normal human being, drowning in mediocrity always wondering if there was more to life. The red pill was the hard road that led him to his destiny and allowed him to become great. I just got chills due to that analogy, inspired.
Big Rodge, I'm glad to meet you buddy welcome to our little haven on the web, sorry for too much philosophy this early in the morning, I'm surprised I had it in me with so little caffeine yet.
Be well, live life
Eric
