Roger, the time after finishing treatments can be a very difficult time for many of us. Its like we are left to our own devices. There is too much time on our hands to wonder what the future holds. The recurrence is something we all fear. After doing such hard treatments and knowing how bad OC can be its only normal for us to be afraid of getting sick again.

I used to be so afraid of it coming back that I wouldnt even open any of the posts in the recurrence tab. I was afraid doing that would somehow jinx me into getting it again. Well, keeping my head buried in the sand didnt protect me at all. I have had SCC 3 times within 3 years and I am still here. The last time I almost refused all treatments since I knew the surgery was so life changing. That was about 2 1/2 years ago. I am still here living a very good quality of life. Sure I have many after effects, the biggest being that I am now very disfigured. As a formerly very attractive woman, that is something that would send most people off the deep end. Maybe I have just always been a very strong person but I have accepted it and made it a part of my new life. We just have to play the hand we are dealt no matter what we get.

I hope you are able to pull yourself out of this and put it all behind you. This forum can be a very good source of help. Many patients and caregivers come here to vent and thats ok. We are here to listen and help get you thru it. Some people do take anxiety meds, while others seek out professionals to talk with. You need to do whatever you are able to so you can get back into living your life without constantly thinking 'what if'. I know all to well how difficult it can be to overcome those thoughts. You will get there one day too. Everything takes time.

Best wishes with your continued recovery!