Thanks everyone. I've had a long think about this today and have decided that I need ocf as much as it needs me so I'm staying. All these messages have shown me that our story is helping people. I can't offer much in advise on things other than from the viewpoint of a carer but I can tell Steve's story to show that people can get through this ordeal. I think it was just bad timing with his surgery. I don't need to tell you all of the stress prior and on the day. It seems to make things appear so much worse than they are sometimes. I do realise this person's unhappiness and negativity is not our issue and we have a right to be happy. We still face the daily battles that everyone does after OC. Steve also has been going to HBO every day for 6 weeks. He's in pain after his surgery and his face is swollen and he has another 2 weeks of hbo to go. So OC life continues for us even though we are back to work and living a "normalish" life. We just chose to focus on the good things in life and not dwell on the things we have to deal with daily. Anyway I just wanted to say thankyou to all of you. It's been an incredibly tough 2 and a half years but we are focussing on the happiness. I refuse to let anyone take that away anymore smile

@Karen, so glad that "my Steve" has helped Alex. If Steve's story helps just one person then we are both happy.

Wife to Steve 43. DX 5 May 09. T4N2MO SCC tongue, floor of mouth, lymph nodes & jaw bone
No surgery
radiation 13/07/2009 x 7wks
chemo 15/07/2009 x 3 Cisplatin
last TX 28/08/2009
25/11/2009 PET-lymph node activity.
08/01/2010 CT Scan-ALL CLEAR
03/03/2010-Peg removed
01/2013 left side of Jaw removed and replaced with pectoral flap.
23/12/2020 scan show lesion in tongue
01/2021 SCC stage 3 base of tongue diagnosed
01/03/2021 chemotherapy started.
17/03/22 lost the battle. Missed dearly