Nate~ my brother from another mother(and father) .
We chatted on fb. I would just settle. Docs say and do things all the time that used to upset me, but I don't let it get to me anymore.
I know you are at a hard point. I was there with all of my scans. If you remember that you have had nothing but clear scans, it should help you relax a bit.

I know how appealing drugs can be at times. Countless times have I thought about going back to hanging out with mary, but everytime i get close to it, I can't even think about the pain I would be in when I go to inhale it...even cold air kills my mouth and throat, so no way, no matter how much I want to or not, I will ever get to hang out with mary and be close friends with her again unless I eat her, and well, that just sounds wrong, lol hehe.
Hope that last bit at least made you smile a little, .

Like I said on fb...we're like family now, and i have much love and respect for you! We are part of the elite youngin group and i will always be there for you!

Have you thought about going to see someone to get something to help with the depression? I hate seeing a therapist and paying to just talk to someone when I can do that for free with my soon to be hubby, but it is proving to help me so far. And I hate pills, but they almost have me on a good concoction that almost has me back to "normal" without feeling like a zombie.

It's pretty tough when you have friends and loved ones around you that smoke/drink/do drugs and other things you may want to do that you really shouldn't due to cancer crap...but you are a very strong guy! Heck...you did something I would have never been able to do...video blogs during treatment!

I am so proud to be able to call you a friend and that you are doing so well, regardless of the OCD stuff. I would maybe say that you should ask about seeing someone to help you with the what sounds like anxiety and depression issues that are kind of running the show that is your life right now! Maybe see if there is a cancer support group or at least talk to someone about an anxiety med that you can take on an as needed basis when your anxiety gets super bad. I have had Klonipin in my med cabinet since surgery and it's come in handy a few times! I am now on buspar which has helped me greatly with my anxiety, but now need to talk to them about the depression or coping issues.

No one is perfect, and we all get scared. What matters is how much we let that scare control our lives! Stay strong. No matter what the news...I am here for you as I am sure many others are! We love ya Rat Fink!