Oh Nate!!!! I feel about 2 inches tall right now for missing your post. I AM SO SORRY!!!!!! Once in a great while I miss an important post, it gets buried under all the rest. You got me on FB as your pal, speak up, send me a private message either here on on FB saying one word "HELP". Im not that far away. Please forgive me! You know I wouldnt ever turn my back on anyone, especially you.

So you are afraid, that is perfectly understandable!!! We all have such a fear of having a recurrence. It is always in the backs of our minds with every little twitch inside our mouths. After the traumatic experience of being bolted down to that table and left alone in the room to get the crap zapped out of us, then struggling day by day for weeks to get well, no wonder we all get scared.

I will share something I learned when I went for the biopsy before I was told I had cancer for a third time. When they told me there was something that didnt look right inside my mouth and asked me if I wanted to do the biopsy now or to wait, I said do it now. It was at that moment I told myself thats it, cancer or no cancer Im going to go out and enjoy my life. I may not have a tomorrow very soon so I better make the most of what time I do have. A couple days later I went on a 25 mile bike ride with my son. Why put it off worrying about 'what if'. I figured I have my old age to be sick and sitting around worrying isnt doing me or anyone else any good. Its not going to change the test results. I am so proud of myself for taking that bike ride, its something both my son and I will always remember doing. Even though Im so much better, I doubt if I would ever be able to do that 25 mile ride again. So you see, you just never know what the future holds. Go out and enjoy yourself, make some memories and face the beast without having any regrets.

Now please be practical and put off making any important treatment decision until you get the results. If I had seen your original post, I would have told you get your butt back to that ENT. Its only money. Dont worry about spending the co-pay. I know easier said than done but you will always have bills for the rest of your life. Everyone is in debt in one way or another. Im very glad to see you went back and got the biopsy done. Im hoping and praying its nothing more than scar tissue.

IF and you know its a big IF right now, it is back then you have done far harder treatments before. You can get thru this again! Dont count yourself out before the game is even played. Please be patient and wait this out, stay busy so you keep your mind off the "what if's".

Hang in there buddy!!!!