It is very difficult sometimes when we vent and end up making our loved ones appear ungrateful or foolish. I have done it many times to Alex, who, luckily for me, has seen it as my way of unloading some of my crap and has not taken it personally.

Equally, as hard as it is, we have to try to do the same thing. We need to understand that the abusive behaviour (assuming it is not the norm)is not actually a personal attack (although at the time it feels VERY personal). Easier said than done, I know, and and eventually we get pushed beyond our limits and snap because it is extraordinarily difficult to be battered day after day when we too are going through hell.

The above words are what I know I should have done. However, I could not when I was there myself. I read Alex the riot act at his lowest point because I had reached the end of my own tether at the same time. Walking away from it all seemed to be the only way to save my own sanity and get away from this childish/abusive/ungrateful b*$#!*d.

So whilst I chose the worst possible moment to do it (a good moment just never came up whilst I was working my way down to the end of that rope), the alternative of walking away with no explanation would have been so much worse.

I DO understand where your husband is at though - he feels like nobody/you knows what it is like to be in his skin and is lashing out. On top of that, the one person he relies on is sharing all the dirty laundry with strangers, making him look like a monster (in his eyes, not ours). He possibly thinks your forum friends are egging you on (you used to be such a nice girl until these interfering cows on the forum got in your ear :)). He is also a man and I am betting he is more the strong silent type than the heart on sleeve sort of person. If he is a "manly" man, he might not understand that women talk about everything, in detail and at great length. He sees on the forum what is normally hidden because we have our gabfests when the men (or manly men anyway) are gathered around the BBQ discussing their lives loves and troubles in three word sentences.

What he is unaware of, or aware of but unable to consider because he is too busy fighting for his own life, is that this is your way of staying sane enough to allow you to go back into the fray and look out for his needs.

We all understand your issues, and all support both of you, but for your own sanity keep reading even if you don't write.

Karen