Hey everyone, just wanted to say hi. Last week was a year since my diagnosis and I have an upcoming PET scan (date to be determined pending insurance approval). Though I don't post on here often I do check it almost daily; keeping up with how everyone else is doing. I guess I don't post much because one I am still dealing with my own demons with depression and two I don't want to say how well I'm doing and jynx things!
I am very thankful for everyone on this board and the support that you have provided along the way. We didn't ask to be a member of this club but it is comforting knowing that we are not alone and that there are people who have walked in our shoes. Overall I am doing well, working out, eating well, working, dating etc. Trying to stay positive and not worry about what the future has in store. I even have a theme song it's "war of my life" by John Mayer. It's a great song and picks me up when I need it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo5bX8rgT4UIt's weird though I am happy to be alive and thankful for the percentage of odds that modern medicine has given us for a fighting chance at this horrible disease; I seem to be overwhelmed with sadness this past week. I had posted on my facebook about being 1 year out from diagnosis and people kept chiming saying happy anniversary. Though i was thankful for there kind words I couldn't help but be saddened by this. I know some of you talk about having a new birthday from diagnosis or when treatment ends; but I can't help but feel a sense of mourning at this time; hopefully as time goes by I may change my mind but I feel that this is a sad date rather than something to celebrate. I feel as though a part of me has died and I still mourn my former life. Don't get me wrong I am happy to be alive and I am willing to except the new norm; but I guess I will always reflect on this time of year as the passing of my former self. The young healthy man I once was (diagnosed at 38 way too young), full of optimism ready to take on the world with no fear is gone. I realize bad things happen to good people everyday and I know it could be worse; but I can't help but look at this time of my life as a great loss. I'm still trying to find the lessons in all of this and try to make lemonade out of lemons or what ever that saying is!
Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts with some people who really, really understand! I just was wondering if anyone else feels the same around the time of year they were diagnosed?
I guess like the song says "it's a war of our lives and we have no choice but to fight on"!! Take care! Big Hugs!
Charles
