Oh, Minnie. SO much to deal with there. The late night worries about what would happen with your family if you die sound very understandable and very hard--but I'm glad your older girls and husband are there trying to help you focus on yourself and on healing from your treatment.

And I'm glad you ARE healing so well in terms of your speech. I agree if I had to choose one I'd take talking over eating. Fortunately, I don't think you'll have to choose. The eating thing will come slower but since talking and eating use a lot of the same tongue movements if you can talk well, eventually you can swallow (at least that's what a speech pathologist who specializes in working with oral cancer patients once told me).

But believe me, I know how much of a struggle learning to swallow can be and my prayers are with you over that.

I agree with Liz, that anything you want to talk about is OK here--and if you are worried about scaring people, you can post on the recurrance forum (which I read). I do sometimes find it scary when I read about people 4 or 5 years out with recurrences but then I remind myself that if that is going to happen to me, there's not a lot I can do about it at this point and seeing other people like you do battle in a second round, being honest about how hard it is, is oddly reassuring. It reminds me that if I have to go through that, I will somehow find it in me to do it too.

As for Thanksgiving, cooking Thanksgiving dinner is where I learned that I can get completely into cooking good food even when I can't eat it as long as my loved ones enjoy it. The last several years my parents have come to visit--this year it will just be my Mom since my dad passed away last month so I'm trying to find other people to invite who don't have a family to be with since I want to cook a lot of food and don't have the big family you have.

Anyway, my thoughts are with both of you, Minnie and Carol, as you fight the good fight.

Nelie