alpaca

what a lovely Christmas gift it would be if Santa granted your wish: [quote]I just wish people understood what it's like to be a cancer patient in limbo.[/quote] Unfortunately only the OCF forum members truly understand what you are going through

I'm your age and IMO, the answer to your question: "what ails me" is Nothing. You sound 100% normal to me. Your feelings are all too familiar to many of us. I heard the same 80% scary stuff my first time only with an 18 month timetable which I "beat" by having my cancer come back within a year. I like your metaphor of "psychological speed bump on the road to recovery".
What would have been truly irresponsible would have been to put your life on hold in the oft chance that the cancer would come back. EricS's post is so true about statistics not mattering at all to the individual who either gets it or not.
On the bright side, every day that passes makes the possibility of a recurrance more unlikely.
I'll leave you with a quote I found helpful
[quote]The final battle of illness is for the high ground of emotional health to accept limitations and pursue the dream of a successful life[/quote]
Keep the Faith
charm