Hey Michelle,

What you write rings a bell for me. I'm in a slightly different phase of treatment from you, in that I just got home from my first surgery a week ago, and I don't think I'll need chemo/radiation right now.

But what you say about coming home from the hospital on "just" Tylenol is exactly what happened to me. (Children's Tylenol, since it was liquid, therefore I could swallow it.) And, similar to you, I'm really strongly affected by medications, and I am very hesitant to get addicted to things. I also often have insomnia, waking up in the middle of the night, being awake from 2-5. So while my situation isn't identical, there are some similarities, and I understand a little of where you're coming from.

I think that if you're mindful, marijuana is probably an okay thing to try. From what I understand, it's not nearly as addictive as lots of other stuff out there, at least on a chemical basis. Though I'm not an expert on that.

I don't know if it will help you, but BC (before cancer), I figured out a solution to my own insomnia: my cortisol levels were checked (at the encouragement of a chiropractor) and they were a little off at night. So I tried eating just a little protein before bed - a handful of nuts, or a few bites of meat leftover from dinner - and lo and behold I started sleeping through the night! The protein supposedly helps balance the cortisol or adrenal function or something. However it operates, it certainly helped me - I have been much more likely to sleep through the night if I eat a little protein before bed. (Unfortunately, at the moment, since a pre-surgery exam suggested evidence of acid reflux, I'm no longer having anything except water 3 hours before bed, which will hopefully my throat a chance possible to heal from the damage caused by the breathing tube during surgery. So at the moment I'm back to insomnia, but at least I had a solution that used to work for me.)

Another option is to come up with an evening routine, something relaxing that includes a cup of tea. And being not on the computer or in front of a screen will help your system calm down at night. I've also discovered that doing puzzles in bed - crossword, sudoku, etc, will eventually put me to sleep. The puzzles are a crutch, a tool of sorts, but I figure they're not hurting me.

Hope some of those suggestions help!

:^) Rahel