Hi,

Years ago, long before being diagnosed with cancer, I ended up addicted to Ativan (lorazepam), which had been prescribed for anxiety (long story). It worked frighteningly well, but weening myself off of it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I've since read that it has been prescribed as a sleep aid (and I think this is very irresponsible), but then when you come off of it it causes......insomnia. Go figure, nothing's free. Perhaps different people have different sensitivities, but I would NEVER take Ativan again. As I weened myself off of it, eventually I couldn't split the pills into any smaller portions and had to just "stop" taking it. It took me three attempts. I suffered what I describe as "extreme agitation" and I remember sitting in a dark room, gnawing on my knuckles, and feeling that if I could open my skull and remove my brain I would have. And then, once I finally managed to stop the Ativan, I had weeks of severe insomnia. Then, when I did finally start to sleep again, one day I just sort of realized, hey, I slept last night........it was as if I hadn't noticed, which was strange, considering how much agony the insomnia was.

More recently, during my cancer treatment I was on the Fentanyl patch, and had terrible trouble weening myself off of that. I suspect I was offered the Fentanyl too casually. Looking back, I might have gotten by using just the liquid morphine, and wish I had stuck to that longer. I suffered insomnia I think as a side effect of weening off of the Fentanyl. You trade avoiding physical pain by having to suffer emotional pain (insomnia)? Again, seems that nothing is free.

I'm nearly seven months post treatment, and very gradually my ability to sleep has improved. I remember it being torture to not be able to sleep. Sadly, I never experienced a sudden return to "normal" but instead, very gradually over time, have started to sleep better, although I suspect not very deeply.

I'm sure this (above) is not very encouraging. All I can say is, be very wary of these drugs (benzos and opiods) and know that you may have to suffer very difficult withdrawals. However, that is possibly still better than severe physical pain. And yes, as is often stated here, it does get better (sleeping, that is).

You should never go "cold turkey" off of these things. Your doctors should help you ween down.

I'm struggling to re-approach life now that I'm in remission. I keep telling myself, well, self, you can only move forward from here.