Liz, in no way is Robin's situation your fault. You cannot change anyone but yourself, and right now you must take Brenda's words to heart. This is absolutely NOT your fault. Robin is an adult. He is apparently in denial about his drinking, his cancer, and his health. You cannot change that. Please realize that Robin makes his own choices and you are not responsible for that. If you must go to him, do not do so until you can go safely, and do not stay if he is abusive. One of the hardest things I have had to learn is that I cannot *fix* people who do not want to be fixed. At some point you may have to decide whether your compassion and emotions are being wasted. Please, take care of yourself first!