I thought long and hard before writing this post as there seems to be such a lot of, people on the boards at the moment who are suffering unbearable pain and sadness as a result of this lawless disease.My heart goes out to so many like Karen and Margaret and Jordan and Bren to name but a few, all so brave and so determined to come out of their nightmares with hope for the future.
Yesterday i got a frantic phone call from Robins brother Paul.He has been unable to see Robin since i left as he wont answer the door or return his calls, so he went in search of him last night and bumped into him in the village.

He was heartbroken at what he saw.Robin has huge oedema to both sides of his face and has lost another 14 lbs in weight,on top of that he has a fistula that is oozing pus over the site where his secondary tumour was excised.He told Paul he was fine and walked away.
I rang my sister in law in Portugal and she told me that when he went for his second month check up post tx on June 7th they found a large cyst in his mouth right by the secondary cancer site,which would explain the jaw pain he was suffering before i left.
He had it excised in the clinic under local anaesthetic and was put on a course of strong antibiotics.That was 2 weeks ago and he seems to be no better.In fact the fistula on his jaw is bigger than ever.He is in terrible pain and not sleeping at all.
I couldnt believe that she hadnt let me know about the cyst,but she seemed unaware of how ill he is.

I have since discovered that apart from her, he told no one who is within spitting distance of him about this development and even went so far as to lie to them saying his check up went fine.
I tried to ring him last night but he wouldnt answer the phone although the day before he had sent me a two word text.
It said Happy Anniversary ( it was our twelfth).

Today he text me and asked if i had called last night and when i said yes he said if i was at home he would call me.I was in the car going to meet my daughter and grandaughters so i told him i was out and he didnt reply and i havent heard anything since.


I have a few questions i need help with.Is this the result of what he has done to himself by drinking alcohol during his treatment and since?Is it possibly a recurrence of the cancer?Should i go back?and most of all Why is he doing this?

I tried to ring our doctor this morning but he is on holiday but i do think that somene who is treating him shoud know he is drinking Should i write and tell them.

God i am in turmoil.I am so angry with him and at the same time so very scared for him. His sister says he wants to die and i yelled at her we cant let that happen he is only 44 why would he want to do that? but the one thing i cant do is make him want to live.I was successful in getting him to agree to treatment and i think he hates me for that so how do i get him to fight for his life?

How can any one who had such a good prognosis let themselves succumb so easily?

I am at a loss and as i have said before ashamed to the depth of my soul in the face of so many losing the fight despite their very best efforts to live