Oh Liz,
You caregivers have the ROUGHEST time, I'm sure of that from reading other posts--if WE feel helpless, how much you all feel???
Just a few 'thoughts' to mull on from a 'veteran relationship failee'
Was your relationship hunky-dory BEFORE cancer?
You are one very caring lady--hence your fear, guilt, and all the other things you've done both for Robin, I'm sure also for the kids, and for all of us on here.

My personal opinion right now is that YOU need some counselling just for you, then consider couple counselling. Get in touch with your Macmillan nurse to be referred to leeds for yourself, and also to get someone to call on Rob.
You may be his wife, you may love him to bits, this IS a wicked disease, but it's an old saying that a person HAS TO WANT TO CHANGE--no other person can do it for them. I tried for my husband and he died a lonely old man--I'd done my utter best for 12 years, but in the end there was nothing I could have done--and believe me I'd tried.

You have your loving kids---lean on them a bit for you right now and take time to heal yourself before contemplating returning 'to the fray'
Have you tried writing to him--might get 'channels open' with less 'heat', blame and guilt and might ge him to think about his feelings and actually document them.
And if you ever want to come up to the van for a weekend/day/midweek, you can come and draw breath in a field!!
Will email you my mobile,
Take care of yourself Liz,
Brenda