Amy
As you know, I actually have had a recurrence, so let me give a little "tough love" here. The point of the surgery is that you have a 15 year old who does not want to lose his mother. But don't think I do not hear you. When my ENT told me about the surgery I needed and the consequences, the very first thing I asked was "and what happens if I don't get it?" Her answer (which is probably not what a male doctor would have said) was
"In my opinion, you would be a foolish husband and father - but it is your choice" Now I am over 2 decades older than you and if my tired old self is worth saving with surgery, then certainly a young woman like yourself deserves and needs every extra year that surgery can bring.
This sucks big time and is very very unfair. so I know that you are venting and that's okay. Vent away here where you won't hurt or worry your family.
You are entitled to a pity party and I know I wallowed in it after my recurrance. Keep the faith Amy,
Charm