I'm waiting for my parents, sister, children, ex sister-in-law and ex-husband to get to the hospital. I am hoping that although, I'm still in a great amount of pain, that seeing them will be fun. I have been told I will not leave until after the weekend, so I don't have any false idea's about busting out of here. I just hope this hospital is ready to enjoy the long weekend with me. There is a conference room across the hall from my room. They call it "the libary", I believe that will be my room for the afternoon. Or my livingroom, it has a bathroom several coaches and matching chairs and tables, and a 35"tv.
I am also thinking about a small area outside under some old oak trees with some benches, we could hang out there too. I wonder when the last time a pateint was there to enjoy herself was? As long as I tell the nurse and have the family, I whould be just fine.
Yesturday when my doctor came in to check on me, I really felt pressured to make up my mind NOW. He wants me to pick either hospice or chemo. I feel like if I tell him Tuesday when he comes in that I would like a second opinion that I will "lose" any and all help from him. At this point I am even afraid he will withdrawl any pain meds he might precribe and just tell me goodbye.


40 yr old. Stage IV SCC found left tonsil. PET/CT shows cancer on base of tongue, floor of mouth, lymph nodes on both sides. HPV 16 pos. 6 weeks of cisplatin, 43 days of radiation. 73gy on each side.
ND March 2, 2009
reoccurance dx'd Aug 19, 2009