Cindy: You might benefit from anti-depressants. You are going thru a hellish time right now, might be the worse time of your life, and anti-depressants can help you keep your perspective and cope with everything. You are not a failure, you are a person with a lot of difficult things going on in your life - ugly things like cancer. Your boys are probably emotionally affected too - frightened and maybe unable to understand (emotionally) all that is happening. Getting help for yourself, like getting anti-depressants from your doctor, will help you find a way to cope a little better with all the stuff that is happening.

Another thought: you might ask your sons' school if there is a school psychologist or counselor that could talk to your boys. They might benefit from talking to someone outside the family right now. They might not want to upset you with their fears. It sounds like you don't have a family/support group near you and you need to create one. Start by calling the school and asking for help for your boys. Gosh, this is a tough time for you. - Candace