Rosie,

Personally, I like you windy. :-)

You explain yourself well and you are always on target and the fact that you are so willing to share what must be the hardest thing you have ever been forced to deal with just makes me more in awe.

Sometimes when I think about the possibility of my husband not surviving I often wonder how I will move on. I think that you and I have discussed this subject before and you were very frank, which I appreciated greatly. You help to remind me that even if the worst happens, I will get up the next day and I will find a way to make it.

The fact that you continue to talk to people here is something that impresses me most.

I think that the question of how long for any of us is always lurking somewhere in our gray matter, but it has become more forefront since we all have had to face this "life robbing" disease.

It has changed everything and it is a permanent change. I think that I have struggled most with the grief of losing the life we had. I know that we can have a new and better life after this and I am striving for that everyday, but in the beginning, it was the loss of the life we had that was hard.

I sometimes wake in the night because I was dreaming that he was gone and I have to look across the bed to see he is still here. I have trouble sleeping at night because I get more time with him just in case. I want to make the clock stop and I want things to be different and coming to grips with these realities has been emotionally expensive.

One of the things that helps me the most is coming here to this website. I can never thank Dan enough for pointing me this way. If I didn't have you all to talk to about this stuff I would have already had a breakdown I am sure.

I have friends and family but, as I am sure you will agree, misery loves company and there is nothing better than knowing that you are talking to someone who truly understands. It is one of the reasons that my therapist and I get along so well. She lost her mother and her younger sister to cancer so I know when I talk to her that she understands what I mean and how I feel. Just like here.

Keep being windy. I love to read your messages and I gain strength from knowing that it is possible to continue if the worst does happen. I have to hold onto that so I can make it through each day.

So Thanks Rosie!!!

Cindy