Sweety, Sabrina, yep, I think maybe we tend to grieve for what we lost. Even though we may have survived the cancer and the battle, things never will be the same. Yep, I pretty much look ok now, some say even better now than before the cancer, but I still miss not feeling like there's impending doom, and miss just plain feeling GOOD!

I wonder if I"ll ever get used to the fact I can't move my arms like I used to, that my tongue is gonna pretty much always feel strange. And I wonder if this tightness I feel around my neck is EVER going to go away.

But, I also learned to cherish the time I have, to live life and grab onto it, not be content to let it pass me by.

In the spiritual, cosmic scheme of things, I wonder if I didn't get this for a reason. My pastor says it's because I didn't pray hard enough and it's satan's work, (oooooohhhhkkkkaaaayyy) and I took it as a message to quit being a bum and DO SOMETHING!!! Especially since it seems at this point the cancer is in remission and I'm about as healthy as I'm going to get at this stage.

I go in next week for another follow up PET/CT, this one is the one year from end of treatment for second go around (HUH?) and I'm having the usual pre-scan jitters. So I guess I'm getting a little philosophical this afternoon. But the next day I sign papers incorporating my own business, ever the optimist.

I guess I feel sometimes I'm the little ball in a game of cosmic pinball, and one of the flippers is broken.

Sorry for sort of hijacking the thread, but just sort of "spilled out"

SCC Tongue, stage IV diagnosed Sept, 2002, 1st radical neck dissection left side in Sept, followed by RAD/Chemo. Discovered spread to right side nodes March 2003, second radical neck dissection April, followed by more RAD/Chemo.