Its happened, the bubble of numbness and feeling like I can cope has burst. The reality has hit me hard.

Oh my what is happening to me. I just completely flipped out at the one person in my life who I love the most. I am so angry with what is happening to me. So mad. I shouted and cried at him. I couldn't help it. I cannot believe the amount of anger and pain I am feeling I just want to scream. I want this out of my body, I hate it, I hate what its doing to me. Everyone is telling me you are so brave and your doing so well and you are coping brilliantly. I have never felt so utterly despairing and so completely hopeless.