Sweety,
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down. Know the feeling as my wife earned Sainthood for sticking with me through all this, and we aren't even Catholic. I can't imagine having this horror occur twice, but I can offer something that helped me get through mine. When I was feeling the worst, most scared, most hurting, I just prayed to God to be with me, take the trouble away, and I turned it over to Him. That gave me the consolation I needed to make it past that moment and into the next, and next, and so on. Hang in there. We are all in your corner and available to be a crying towel when needed.