Palm,

I became severely disfigured after my reconstructive surgery to replace my jaw. As anyone who's seen my facebook page will tell you, the change was dramatic to say the least. During the surgery to remove the cancerous tissue and replace my rt mandible with my fibula, my rt facial nerve was damaged in the process, leaving that side of my face paralyzed.

I used to consider myself handsome and my career was mostly based on my looks and my speaking abilities, both ruined. I remember walking into a room, fashionably dressed and drawing the attention just by my "command presence". Now as I enter a room I'm gawked at and stared upon for a completely different reason. My children have been ridiculed at school because of my looks...and they are all sorts of good looking.

I'll say that unless you've been in those shoes, it's hard to relate with the emotional pain that's associated with it or how difficult it is to overcome. With that being said, it can be dealt with and overcome, but there has to be understanding and support. I remember early last year when I was just starting to go out in public and attempting to eat (another spectacle altogether) that I was frustrated and upset and didn't want to try anymore.

What helped me were the people on these forums like Christineb, Charm and EZJim that gave me a different perspective on things. Let me know I had others that related to me. Also my wife, friends and family were instrumental as well, for without their love and encouragement I may have lost my center.

It's a tough thing, but when I realized that I was still awesome no matter what I looked like, I got my swagger back...I just needed that reassurance. Have your FFIL get on these boards, or message one of us that have walked that path, it really will help.

Best Wishes,

Eric