#91504 03-10-2009 03:34 AM | Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 148 Senior Member (100+ posts) | OP  Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 148 | Wow I just read my last post and I was ashamed of myself. I have stopped taking all those pills because like Jim said that was way too much. I was so depressed I can't believe what I wrote. I am not suisidal. I have no death wish. Yep I hurt like all rip but I can deal with it. I am only taking the muscle relaxers AS PRESCRIBED and my zoloft. I cant stand a poor me poor me person and I am not like that. We all have gone through a great deal and because we fought we have over come! I have not had as much to deal with as a lot of you and I read your post and all I see is good cheer. That is what this board is right, helping each other deal with things. So I will step off my crate and stop being a wimp. As the song goes, I am woman I am strong.
Ok I should be able to post some (hopefully) good news later today as my test should be back, so far most have been good. I still have to have my gum biopsied, ( I should go back to school to learn how to spell). I also am going to find out where there is a place I can go to for pain management. I dont like pills they only hide junk they dont really fix it right?right. So I will be posting better happier post soon I hope. Brenda
49 years young 9/2007 Squamous Cell Carcinoma 33 rad treatments. One year later, 9/17/2008 50 years old through the Grace of God. last check up all clear. Living life as it comes to me.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 |
Hope you decide to check out HBO before jumping into dental work. Best of luck with your medication management.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Brenda never be ashamed of what you post in here. I think most of us post things we think we couldn't have.. LOL Naw , not me, I didn't type that. But we do. Heck I was getting somene other than Suzanne married the other day. And she had 35 yrs of marriae behind her. Not mentioning any names here. LOL Don't want whipped twice for the same mistake.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | When I was nearing the end of Tx and in that hell part of the tunnel and I couldn't speak, I wrote my wife a letter telling her how much I appreciated her and how sorry I was that I was a bad patient at times and how grateful I was to have her, blah, blah, blah. I told her that ANYTIME she felt like I didn't appreciate her in the future to save this letter and show it to me to remind me. Obviously my depressed painful drugged state of mind and body overcame me and because I couldn't speak I had to memorialize those once in a lifetime thoughts!!
Believe me that damn letter is still alive and well and hidden from me only to be pulled out in the most inopportune times of negotiating between husband and wife.
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 711 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 711 | Brenda, absolutely no need to apologize. We all need to dump the negative emotions somewhere and this is a good place for it. I sure don't want to lay it all on my family so I have come here a time or two just to let it go, and found that I am no where near alone and niether are you. We all get sick of dealing with it so come right out and say it any time.
David R. 65 yr old male non-smoker, light drinker, stage 3 or 4, depending on which doc you ask, scc rt. tonsil, 2 nodes, 7 weeks radiation and chemo. No surgery. Teatment ended 3/20/08. PET scan 8/08 showed no cancer.
And now, as of oct, 2010, caregiver to wife, Linda, with breast cancer.
May, 2013, Linda diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer. Enuf already.
| | | | | Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 716 "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)
Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 716 | David...lol...i just wrote that same letter to my GF
7-16-08 age 37@Dx, T3N0M0 SCC 4.778cm tumor, left side of oral tongue, non smoker, casual drinker, I am the 4th in my family to have H&N cancer
8-13-08 left neck dissection and 40% of tongue removed, submandibular salivary gland & 14 nodes clean, no chemo, IMRTx35
11-4-08 Recovering & feeling better
| | | | | Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 3,082 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Mar 2008 Posts: 3,082 | Brenda
If a Lepreckaun can't bitch to a Lucky Charm, then what is the world coming to. I am amazed at all the strong powerful and wonderful women here. Yeah, this is the place to vent, but guess what, through the magic of watching and reading about how others are coping, you get cheered up. My favorite Cancer cartoon book: Cancer made me a shallower person (buy it on Amazon but thru the OCF link) has a cartoon about the whole world being divided into those with cancer and those without it. Of course it is written by a woman. Treat yourself to a copy and laugh outloud at some of the scenarios. The author had breast cancer and yes it came back and she died, but her observations are funny and spot on.
Look this cancer stuff sucks. I seriously contemplated not getting this surgery done and just dying - I had thought it was all over after one year of clean MRIs and PETscans, then to be told it was back big as in the beginning as though I never had radiation or chemo - all that suffering for nothing. Yeah I was big on the pity party and ready to punch the next sonofagun in the nose who said: oh you are tough, you are a fighter, you will get thru this. I imagined tossing a good hard right cross and knocking them on their ass and saying; tough enough for you. Then I read these posts and see Suzanne, Cookey, Liz, Donna, Cheryl, Patti, EZJim, Ray, PeteD, and too many more to list all who have had it much much worse than me and I am ashamed of myself in a good way that motivates me to be charming in the year 2017.
Nobody outside of OCF can truly know how we feel. No matter how much your family and friends love you, they just don't get it if they are not a caregiver or patient. We do, so
BRING IN ON BRENDA BABY
65 yr Old Frack
Stage IV BOT T3N2M0 HPV 16+
2007:72GY IMRT(40) 8 ERBITUX No PEG
2008:CANCER BACK Salvage Surgery
25GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Apaghia /G button
2012: CANCER BACK -left tonsilar fossa
40GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Passed away 4-29-13
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 5,260 | Charm, you did a very good job writing that letter and I just invited one that thought I was a bad ass mean guy, to read it. Hell, I didn't even know where I was let alone be mean too. Thanks for your letter.
Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 489 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2008 Posts: 489 | I agree with you Jim - very well said Charm!! Brenda I am so happy to see your little Lepreckaun face and to hear that you are taking care of your self. I hope that the pain management works for you. I also hope that you find answers to your dental questions. Please don't apologize for being human. Patty
48
SCC Floor of Mouth 7/06
9/06 Surgery, bilateral neck dissection, 58 nodes clear PT2pN0pMx
35 rad 2006
Recurred 6/08, 1 Carboplatin, 1 Cisplatin
Surgery 9/08 - Total glossectomy, free flap from pectoral muscle, left mandible replaced using fibula
35 IMRT & Erbitux 11/08
4/15/09 recurrence
6/1/09 passed away, rest in peace
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 148 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | OP Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 148 | Thank you so much Charm! I picked Lepreckaun as a screen name because a very good friend who dwarfed me always called me that and I like it. YOu letter has put a smal back on my face and heck yeah I really do feel better!!! I am still in pain and will continue doing whsat the good Drs tell me but as I sit here I realize the I have been saved alot by coming here! Upon many of your suggestions I did indeed see another dentist and guess what he went the extra step and talked to my rdiation Dr and was told that I went through a full charge of radiation and would not heal. He took a biopsy of my gum so should have results of that shortly. I hope it is negative. But I feel better. Oh I am going back to work too! I miss working it gives me something to do so I can take my mind off my whoas. Keep smiling keep loving and be happy!!! My new motto! Brenda
49 years young 9/2007 Squamous Cell Carcinoma 33 rad treatments. One year later, 9/17/2008 50 years old through the Grace of God. last check up all clear. Living life as it comes to me.
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