Wow I just read my last post and I was ashamed of myself. I have stopped taking all those pills because like Jim said that was way too much. I was so depressed I can't believe what I wrote. I am not suisidal. I have no death wish. Yep I hurt like all rip but I can deal with it. I am only taking the muscle relaxers AS PRESCRIBED and my zoloft. I cant stand a poor me poor me person and I am not like that. We all have gone through a great deal and because we fought we have over come! I have not had as much to deal with as a lot of you and I read your post and all I see is good cheer. That is what this board is right, helping each other deal with things. So I will step off my crate and stop being a wimp. As the song goes, I am woman I am strong.
Ok I should be able to post some (hopefully) good news later today as my test should be back, so far most have been good. I still have to have my gum biopsied, ( I should go back to school to learn how to spell). I also am going to find out where there is a place I can go to for pain management. I dont like pills they only hide junk they dont really fix it right?right. So I will be posting better happier post soon I hope. Brenda

Hope you decide to check out HBO before jumping into dental work. Best of luck with your medication management.

Brenda never be ashamed of what you post in here. I think most of us post things we think we couldn't have.. LOL Naw , not me, I didn't type that. But we do. Heck I was getting somene other than Suzanne married the other day. And she had 35 yrs of marriae behind her. Not mentioning any names here. LOL Don't want whipped twice for the same mistake.

When I was nearing the end of Tx and in that hell part of the tunnel and I couldn't speak, I wrote my wife a letter telling her how much I appreciated her and how sorry I was that I was a bad patient at times and how grateful I was to have her, blah, blah, blah. I told her that ANYTIME she felt like I didn't appreciate her in the future to save this letter and show it to me to remind me. Obviously my depressed painful drugged state of mind and body overcame me and because I couldn't speak I had to memorialize those once in a lifetime thoughts!!

Believe me that damn letter is still alive and well and hidden from me only to be pulled out in the most inopportune times of negotiating between husband and wife.

Brenda, absolutely no need to apologize. We all need to dump the negative emotions somewhere and this is a good place for it. I sure don't want to lay it all on my family so I have come here a time or two just to let it go, and found that I am no where near alone and niether are you. We all get sick of dealing with it so come right out and say it any time.

David...lol...i just wrote that same letter to my GF

Brenda

If a Lepreckaun can't bitch to a Lucky Charm, then what is the world coming to. I am amazed at all the strong powerful and wonderful women here. Yeah, this is the place to vent, but guess what, through the magic of watching and reading about how others are coping, you get cheered up. My favorite Cancer cartoon book: Cancer made me a shallower person (buy it on Amazon but thru the OCF link) has a cartoon about the whole world being divided into those with cancer and those without it. Of course it is written by a woman. Treat yourself to a copy and laugh outloud at some of the scenarios. The author had breast cancer and yes it came back and she died, but her observations are funny and spot on.
Look this cancer stuff sucks. I seriously contemplated not getting this surgery done and just dying - I had thought it was all over after one year of clean MRIs and PETscans, then to be told it was back big as in the beginning as though I never had radiation or chemo - all that suffering for nothing. Yeah I was big on the pity party and ready to punch the next sonofagun in the nose who said: oh you are tough, you are a fighter, you will get thru this. I imagined tossing a good hard right cross and knocking them on their ass and saying; tough enough for you. Then I read these posts and see Suzanne, Cookey, Liz, Donna, Cheryl, Patti, EZJim, Ray, PeteD, and too many more to list all who have had it much much worse than me and I am ashamed of myself in a good way that motivates me to be charming in the year 2017.
Nobody outside of OCF can truly know how we feel. No matter how much your family and friends love you, they just don't get it if they are not a caregiver or patient. We do, so
BRING IN ON BRENDA BABY

Charm, you did a very good job writing that letter and I just invited one that thought I was a bad ass mean guy, to read it. Hell, I didn't even know where I was let alone be mean too. Thanks for your letter.

I agree with you Jim - very well said Charm!!

Brenda I am so happy to see your little Lepreckaun face and to hear that you are taking care of your self. I hope that the pain management works for you. I also hope that you find answers to your dental questions. Please don't apologize for being human.

Patty

Thank you so much Charm! I picked Lepreckaun as a screen name because a very good friend who dwarfed me always called me that and I like it. YOu letter has put a smal back on my face and heck yeah I really do feel better!!! I am still in pain and will continue doing whsat the good Drs tell me but as I sit here I realize the I have been saved alot by coming here! Upon many of your suggestions I did indeed see another dentist and guess what he went the extra step and talked to my rdiation Dr and was told that I went through a full charge of radiation and would not heal. He took a biopsy of my gum so should have results of that shortly. I hope it is negative. But I feel better. Oh I am going back to work too! I miss working it gives me something to do so I can take my mind off my whoas. Keep smiling keep loving and be happy!!! My new motto! Brenda