It is amazing when we think of the people that made an impression on us and often without even knowing that they did. I've met some pretty great people in the Rad waiting room while waiting for my son to get his Tx. . . . the lovely Cookie Lady, who always had cookies to offer even though most people politely declined - especially those well into their TX; the 45-ish gentlement who was always laughing and cracking jokes; the very young man (my son's age) who shared his story and told us about OCF. And then one day, it was a beautiful, quiet, gentle collie dog with soulful eyes and a bright scarf around his neck accompanied by a young woman. He came and sat in front of my son and me and made eye contact. Then, as soon as my son extended a hand, the collie drew a little closer and there was a special connection. It seems he was officially a therapy dog and did make a lot of people smile in the Rad waiting room.

It's certainly a difficult call. Both of my parents went out like a light with heart failure with no prior history of heart disease. Was that the way to go at ages 68 and 69? I really don't know but I do know that neither of them had any chance to fight back as they apparently never saw it coming. My mom found dad dead on the kitchen floor at 4AM and less than 2 years later it hit mom while driving down a rural road near her home. Thankfully she had time to pull off into a shallow ditch without endangering others. I was diagnosed with BOT and so far have shined victorious. That's no guarantee for the future but at least I feel as though I was able to fight the battle for what it was worth. I suppose I would do it again if recurrence entered my future but everyone's case and situation is different. I guess one can only make their own individual case and hope we make the right one.

Bill D.

The hospice Robin was in has PAT dogs,their owners brought them around about three times a week,and they just snuggle up and wag their tails while you stroke them.They didnt come near Robins room because we had the haridan from hell with us (our jack russell) and she is very territorial lol

Good counsel from everyone. There are no clear answers. I spent some time with my grandkids today and it made my heart ache that I might not get to see them get much older. I am remodeling our house and there is now a sense of urgency about getting it done.... All the junk in my shop appeared to me today, and I decided I should sort through it and thin it out so my kids don't have to mess with it when.... Don't get me any Christmas presents, because whatever it is I won't be able to .... All very calm.

The interesting thing is, I have decided to fight back. Strange that all my mortality stuff is coming up AFTER I have decided to battle on! Go figure. No sense buying new shoes, no sense renewing the magazines I enjoy, no sense upgrading the cell phone contract, etc. Interesting thoughts. It doesn't feel dark or scary, just 'being practical'!!

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most!! Does anyone else ever have the "mortality heebie jeebies"? Tom J

Good Lord Tom everyone has them wether they have an illness or not.

I had a terrible time with fear of dying,when i first became a nurse 30 years ago.At 18 and completely untouched by it ,i suddenly found myself surrounded .I would wake up in the night shaking and sweating i was scared to close my eyes,even these days when i get in the car to go on a long journey,it enters my mind .As for tomorrow,the thought of getting on a plane is shaking me rigid.
The worst part of the realisation for me was the fear of anything happening to my family.

So yes the heebie jeebies are a part of life i think but how someone copes with a time scale to that just escapes me.Robin never blinked an eyelid,and stayed that way for the whole three weeks he was in the hospice .It was astounding.

I guess when the fact becomes a reality some of the drugs used take the edge off the fear factor,and if you ever decide to go looking for your mind,see if you can find mine while you are at it.!!!

love liz

You are so expressive Tom, and help me realize I am not alone in my wierd thoughts.

For me, my questions have been about whether it is worth getting new clothes, or new glasses, or buying something that my husband might not want to deal with.

Then part of me fights back. Cancer is a THIEF. When cancer is able to steal even a part of THIS day with such thoughts, as well as the others it has/will take with treatments and appointments and feeling unwell, then I realize that I cannot let that happen. We have to continue to live our lives as normally as possible (assuming no lotto wins!).

We cannot let Cancer steal more time from us than it already has. THIEF!!

Donna

Atta boy, Tom. I love to see a good fight.

Jerry

Great, Tom! And we are in there fighting right alongside you!

Donna - I really love the way you put this: "We cannot let Cancer steal more time from us than it already has. THIEF!" I'm putting it my unforgettable file. I think it can apply to other situations or hurts in life as well. It emhasizes for me the importance of fighting to block out the negatives and creating joy whenever and wherever we can - and not "sweating the small stuff".

Tom & Donna,

This web site is devoted to fighters and we have told more than one to stop wasting our time if all they wanted to do was give up before there was no other option.

We will be with you and we will fight right along side of you and we know that we have a great chance of wining your battle because we have done it many, many times before.

Tom,

You may now move forward and purchase/plant small shrubbery and green bananas.

Bill D.