rdb7777,
you are right, we do have a choice, actually many, many choices - I can fight and pretend I'm happy when I'm not, or I can fight and complain all the way, or I can just sit and be miserable. Or I can end it all. But suicide is something you can always postpone and keep as a last resort.

I am basically a VERY positive person, I believe that life is a good thing although parts of it are quite horrible. If you read my past posts, you can tell that I am good at complaining when needed.

no, you are not a superman, nobody is. But if a weak and helpless person like me can survive this disease, you can too. Maybe everybody is a hero in their way. But when you say we are very brave - no, I did not feel one bit brave when the doctor told me it was cancer, or when I started going back to work wondering whether I could survive seven hours of acting brave and cheerful!
And I never did make a decision to be brave and fight hard - I just decided to do what I could (I did think, do what I had to) at the moment.
All that said, please, talk to a professional about your fear and your thoughts of ending it all. There is no reason to be feeling worse than you have to! I have lost two brothers to suicide and i can tell you, it is a cruel thing to do to your family.
Wishing you all good things,
Leena

I find this entire topic to be out of place. I am going to come off as someone who is insensitive, but clearly when a person who has not even had a positive diagnosis of cancer is talking about suicide, that person needs to be in professional counseling. It's a simple as that. We are not qualified to help this person, as this individual's perspective is beyond that which those of us who have fought through pain and depression to have just another day, and then hopefully another, are of a different mindset. Our caregivers fought along side of us for each precious moment, and even after that painful fight still were left alone. We are not talking about suicide as the release from a terminal disease with no end of pain and suffering. This is a discussion by someone who clearly does not value life enough to fight for it, and thinks of his own suffering instead of that of the individuals who he claims to love that he will leave behind. After all the brothers in arms that I watched die in a far away land fighting for the last minute of life, the comrades in cancer who have struggled to the very end with courage and perseverance, (like the person who this forum is named after), and others taken away from us after difficult and emotional battles, I can't even relate to this poster. Discussion of suicide by rdb777 is an indicator of something else awry that goes beyond a potential cancer diagnosis. I am amazed at the giving nature of the individuals on this board that have continued this thread and the other related to the same issue with this poster for so long. Personally, I don't understand it all. Those of you who have read my posts and those of you who have cried with me when we have lost a friend know that I am not insensitive. But this is all too much for me. Attempted suicide itself in healthy people is a cry for emotional help. This protracted dramatic discussion on these boards can only reflect a similar despair. rdb7777 please see a mental health professional to work through your issues. If you find that you are indeed one of us, and you have drawn a bad hand for what ever reason, this group will clearly be here to help you at that juncture in your life.