Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#32639 06-07-2002 07:02 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 22
Susan Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 22
I just got off the phone with my Mom and she is so awfully depressed it's breaking my heart. She is 5 weeks out of her treatment & has actually been doing fairly well the last couple of weeks. I began seeing her getting depressed about a week ago, but fighting it. I called her Dr. and got her on an anti-depressant which she began taking a few days ago. I know that this is part of the process, but she truly feels that she is never going to feel good again. There is nothing I can say to help her. I try to spend alot of time with her as do other family members.

I guess I just needed to vent. I need to keep myself from getting depressed as well. I seem to do fine when she is doing fine, but when I hear & see her so sad & down, it brings me down. I know that many of you have gone through this, so if you have some advice for how I can help her & myself it would be so appreciated.


Susan
#32640 06-07-2002 09:38 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 52
Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Offline
Supporting Member (50+ posts)

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 52
Dear Susan,
I know exactly how you feel. First off, know that what are you doing is very helpful, by just being there for your mom. Secondly, the antidepressants usually take at least a week until you see any difference, and it may be possibly longer.the dosages sometimes need adjusting. Also, in order for you to stay "up", try looking into support groups for family of cancer parients. I also found this board to be a major help when my mom was going through all this. I know how terrible it is to hear..."be patient, this is normal"....but the truth is..time is your best friend....good luck! Keep us posted
Brooke


Hope is the one thing no one can take away from you!!!
#32641 06-07-2002 12:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 22
Susan Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 22
Brooke, thanks for the pick-me-up. I sure did need it. Although I know that the meds will help once they kick-in and that this is a normal stage of her recovery, it just is so hard to see. My brother & I are going over this evening to keep her company and try to get her mind off things. She did force herself to go play bridge with her friends today and I hope that it provided some much needed relief, rather than sitting at home feeling like things will never get better. I sure wish I had the money to set her up with a computer so that she could visit this site herself. I would imagine it really helps the person who is actually going through this hell see that they are not alone. I tell her all about the wonderful people here & all the encouraging information, but it's hard for her to understand. Thanks again for your support & letting me vent.


Susan
#32642 06-07-2002 12:06 PM
Anonymous
Unregistered
Anonymous
Unregistered

Dear Susan,

I know it is very difficult for caregivers and loved ones to constantly be cheerleaders. But unfortunately, that is the best thing you can do for your mom. Please keep letting someone know when you are feeling the weight of being the cheerleader because I have and am still playing the same role. It can take a big toll on you also so please 'dump' on us when necessary so you can continue to help your mother.

As far as help for her, the first step has been taken with the anti-depressants. And as Brooke said, it will take 7-10 days for the effects to kick in. As far as other things to do - do you think your mother would be responsive to hearing about others who have been through the same thing but are now at the point where they can reassure her that it does get better? I know when my husband was receiving concurrent radiation and chemo, he said he wanted to die. Now this was a 6 ft, 220 pound 'macho' guy who had already been through brain surgery. But what seemed to work was telling him about similiar patients and that they could relate to what he was going through but let him know that it WOULD get better. And sure enough, he started feeling human again and thanked me and others who kept reminding him.

So go have a good cry or scream in the shower, get rid of your frustration and sorrow for your mom, put the pom-poms in your hands and do a cheer. And please pat yourself on the back for doing your best to help your mother!

Cynthia

#32643 06-07-2002 02:08 PM
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 36
Contributing Member (25+ posts)
Offline
Contributing Member (25+ posts)

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 36
My siste ris 5 weeks out of radiation too and is suffering from the depression. I could see it slowly coming on her. She was put on an anti-depressant today and we are hoping to see an improvement. It does break your heart to watch them being so sad. You sit there and flip your mind over and over trying to think of something to help and it is only time and patience that will do. I hope you see a change for the better soon.

#32644 06-11-2002 05:34 AM
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 188
Gold Member (100+ posts)
Offline
Gold Member (100+ posts)

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 188
I don't think any one of us has escaped the weeks, sometimes months of depression that seem to go hand in hand with a cancer diagnoses. The invasive surgery, the long treatment regime, days and weeks of not just feeling ill, but terribly fatigued, sore, and just plain sick! After a while everything just takes its toll and slowly you might find yourself in the depths of despair or you may not even realize that you are depressed with everything else that is going on. For me it was the latter. You might find me in my hospital room after my first initial surgery either crying my eyes out for no apparent reason, or whooping it up with anyone on the floor that would listen to me. I had terrible mood swings; angry one minute about losing my tongue, and the next minute being ever so thankful I was alive, tongue or no tongue. I am certain that the trama of my situation came into play at first, but when the tears didn't quit flowing, I knew I was in trouble. When I didn't want to get up off the couch and at least TRY to walk or when I actually shut my phones off and quit receiving visitors, I knew I was in trouble. Well, actually, I had no idea I was THAT depressed until my husband began pointing things out to me and suggested I might want to talk to the Doctor about how I was feeling emotionally. I wasn't on an even keel that is for sure. And I had spent enormous amounts of time trying to be "up" for everybody. Making sure I told EVERYBODY that " yeah, I was OK" or "don't worry about me" I think I was actually trying to convince myself of that only it wasn't working, I just thought it was. A few weeks after surgery I was put on Paxil and a few weeks after that I really did begin to feel better emotionally. At least I could control the mood swings a bit. The depression didn't end there though. I've had some very difficult times on and off since my hemiglossectomy five years ago. I saw a therapist, attended support groups and remained on Paxil. And like Brooke says, it all just takes time to heal both physically and emotionally. I still have what I call my "dog days" but they are fewer and farther in between these days. And I pay attention to how I'm feeling emotionally knowing that for me, depression can be just a stones throw away. Cancer affects the whole person not just the physical person. Sometimes I think we forget that. SIncerely, Donna


SCC first time 1989, with a diagnoses of 'cancer in situ' removed lesion, no other treatments.
SCC recurrence 1997 of tongue and floor of the mouth. Stage III /IV Hemmiglossectomy (removed over 60% of tongue/ floor of the mouth), free flap, modified neck, RAD and Chemo(cisplatin, 5fu) simutainously.
Cancer free 6, yes, six, years!
#32645 06-11-2002 10:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 52
Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Offline
Supporting Member (50+ posts)

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 52
Donna,
I'm glad you know how to look for your own signs now.....you are truly amazing!! You're a wonderful source of inspiration! Luv ya
Brooke


Hope is the one thing no one can take away from you!!!
#32646 06-19-2002 06:33 PM
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 188
Gold Member (100+ posts)
Offline
Gold Member (100+ posts)

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 188
Brooke............Thanks for the kind words! You're quite a gal yourself! smile Sincerely, Donna


SCC first time 1989, with a diagnoses of 'cancer in situ' removed lesion, no other treatments.
SCC recurrence 1997 of tongue and floor of the mouth. Stage III /IV Hemmiglossectomy (removed over 60% of tongue/ floor of the mouth), free flap, modified neck, RAD and Chemo(cisplatin, 5fu) simutainously.
Cancer free 6, yes, six, years!

Link Copied to Clipboard
Top Posters
ChristineB 10,507
davidcpa 8,311
Cheryld 5,260
EzJim 5,260
Brian Hill 4,912
Newest Members
Jina, VintageMel, rahul320, Sean916, Megm37
13,103 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums23
Topics18,166
Posts196,921
Members13,103
Most Online458
Jan 16th, 2020
OCF Awards

Great Nonprofit OCF 2023 Charity Navigator OCF Guidestar Charity OCF

Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5