Hello Everyone,

I had a discussion with my sister in law this past weekend and she told me that her friend's husband was diagnosed with oral Cancer some time ago and they caught it early but he would need to have two or three removed. Kind of like mine. He refused the surgery and/or radiation or chemo because of the way it would make him look. Now it has spread all through out his mouth and will be lucky to survive from it. Is vanity worth it? I have just started talking about it I guess because I was so terrified of accepting that I had it but it felt good to talk to someone in my family about it. I am conscious about the effect it has had on my speech. Some letters and words sound different to me although everyone says they cannot tell. But I could not imagine being that vain. I am at a loss for words.

I'm sure glad you listened to your wake-up call!! And I'm sure your 4 kiddos are glad you did!

I know of persons here, who focused on vanity and vanity won. This is a tough disease and every weapon in the arsenal needs to be employed to fight it. It is a ruthless, unrelenting and formidable foe, at the very least.

In A.A, they have a saying "...half measures avail us nothing" (sorry Charlie [Sheen]) but if you are not willing to "go to any lengths" you will never find a cure. In many ways cancer and alcoholism are very closely related in the philosphies of dealing with them

With some speech therapy you may very well improve your speech to remove your self consciousness of it.

You are very fortunate! I happen to be an authority on vanity! Oh my vanity, I miss it, I'm actually kind of proud of how vain I was...which is a testament to how handsome and goodlooking I was before this disease.

I remember as a young man spending 45 minutes just making sure my hair was "just right" (the ladies liked it that way...honest) before going out in public. I was/am very picky on how I dress and my appearance and take pride on being well spoken.

Throughout my adult life, I used my looks and my ability to speak to my advantage. Women, career etc...I would always get what I wanted because I knew what to ask and how to ask for it with not just the words I chose, but the tone and influctions I used when I spoke. I was a very good salesman and public speaker and used it to my full advantage. Still do.

Now, I can relate to your fears, they were mine. In fact for me, my worst nightmare happened...I literally lost half of my face, half of my tongue and my speech was severely affected along with my handsome face. I remember after realizing that the paralyzed side of my face would never be what it had been or that my speech would be the same. I remember when I accepted that I would never be able to do my old job (General Managing several hotels) as my employers felt I would no longer be a good fit...it's tough when you're the "face" of an organization and you lose your face.

Forward to today...I'm still vain. I'm still dashingly handsome too My speech isn't what it was, but it has an effect when I talk like I could never think of achieving before. Even though it's hard to talk and I can be difficult to understand at times. My biggest issue anymore is the fact that I get too tired when I speak for long periods of time, as a result I choose when I speak more carefully and make sure what I say is what matters, not how I sound.

Living is the blessing. I don't care what I look like anymore (still dress to kill and make sure my hair is great though) as long as I'm alive to hear my children laughing, my wife telling me I'm a jack*** and my friends telling me to stop being a d***.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for what they are worth.

Keep your chin up!

Eric

Eric,

I love your post, great message and wonderful outlook! You sure have a way with words.

May your life be long and filled with happiness!

Susan...I have a way with words yes...a way of getting edited

Well, I guess it's my job to make sure the moderators are keeping on their toes! lol.


Dear Moderator...I'm sorry for using jacka** and d*** (self edited!) and where I can't promise I will self edit everytime, I will be sure never to use adult language in an abusive way or around children or Nuns. Priests and Pastors seem to be ok with it as long as I don't use them in their church or when praying to Jesus, whom I'd suspect would be pretty cool about it.

Eric
Insolent Cuss

I may have been lucky in that I never really had time to think about it after I was diagnosed. My surgeon, who worked closely with my RO and my chemo doc said that they were going to "throw the book at it" (the cancer) I know I looked like crap for most of the summer, and hated even to look in the mirror for a while. After I finished my treatments, I had the prviledge of having to get my driver's license renewed. So, I get to carry that picture around for five years! But, hey, I'm still here, and I don't regret having the treatments at all!

Oh Eric!! Always love your posts. They are always very truthful. Lol!
My sister's vanity actually came out after surgery. She covers every single scar she has received from treatment. I would assume she was vain before all this happened I just never noticed it. I believe that if it wasn't for her son she would have fought this treatment also. I thank god everyday that she went through with it.
Her scars are not that bad and she is very fortunate that she is cancer free. All she sees now are the scars and has become depressed about it.
Being around many that have been diagnosed with this cancer it seems to carry an emotional burden like none I have ever seen. This is the part many looking in do not see and don't understand. It's terrible. Sometimes I don't know what's worse for her to deal with. Her mortality or her disfigurement.

Zengalib - about that driver's license, maybe it's only in TN where I am, but after 60, when I renewed my driver's license, they didn't put my picture on there. I guess they just don't put pics on drivers licenses after you reach an age where it becomes obvious you are over 21! My son's scars are barely visible, but when I see them, I am only reminded of his courage and tremendous strength of character in fighting the hardest fight of his life and I am so glad he did!
Susan - Your sister's depression is certainly understandable, having gone through what she has and if it has resulted in losing the way she was used to seeing herself, it's a loss like any other and involves a certain "mourning period" or getting used to before acceptance can be realized. If it gets to be too difficult, or prolonged, maybe her doctor could suggest something that would help.

oohh man...don't get me started on the driver's license picture! I look like Nick Nolte's mug shot in mine...and I didn't even get to do the drugs that made him look like that!


It cracks me up! When I need to laugh at life, I look at that picture!