Hey everyone, I am officially one month post treatment. I am swallowing more on a regular basis. Got rid of the spit cup and I able able to take ensure by mouth, applesauce, yogurt, and all my meds. It's not much but a start. Still have pain when I swallow. Though my obvious biggest concern is not getting a recurrence; I am also concerned about dating and finding love again. I was unfortunately getting over a break up from my fiance last year; we were suppose to get married May 16th 2009. Sometimes I wonder if the stress from the breakup caused my cancer to develop. Though the doctors say most likely the tumor was there for a while in my tonsils. Now that I have been diagnosed with cancer and am trying to survive this dreaded disease I worry that I may never find love again. I know know I won't be anywhere ready to try dating for at least another 6-8months; by then I will be closer to 40. I am so worried of being alone. I friends who care about me; but it's not the same as having someone to hold; soemone to rub your back at night. Someone to cuddle up with or hold hands and take long walks!! Has anyone been successful at dating and finding love after there diagnosis?

Charles

Hello Charles:

If you go to the Search area (above, right), and type in "Dating," some posts from others about that subject will show. Personally, I think if and when you are ready to date, you should pursue it and not let the DEMON win that battle. Many people who have had, or have, cancer find partners to share their lives. I wish you the best of luck, and "Go for it!"

julieann

I couldn't agree with Julieann more. I have worked with quite a few folks that had cancer and went on to good relationships. And frankly, the relationships that weren't great were not because of the cancer.
I think when you have had a chance to heal physically, you should absolutely get out there and find the relationship you deserve.

This is a great question, that has only been exlored here lightly. I know that I am not the guy I was before cancer physically, in both apperance and in physical capabilities. I suspect were I not in the great relationship that I lucked into a couple of decades ago, that this would all be on my mind. For sure we all tell our kids and hopefully believe ourselves that it is what's inside that matters... But too often out in the real world, getting the chance to let that part of you shine is limited by superficial things.

BUT AS A GUY (sorry ladies) meeting women is always a matter of shots on a goal. If you don't put yourself out there, your mathematical probabilities are nil. So tough it up for some rejection, and one day the right one will come along. That partner is out there. Hell, I have more rough edges on me than can be counted, and I found one.... But as my wife once said she had to kiss a lot of toads before she met a prince. You likely have qualities that are someone's perfect match, so put your ego aside an take a leap. Just make sure there's a little water in the pool before you let go of the edge.

Charles as all know, mine walked away after I had surgery , but I have had many offers to fate but kind of shy away due to this toothless mouth and weight loss of close to 80lbs. Go for it and ask a lady out. I;'m sure you might be surprised at how many are willing to date . One day I will get brave and agree to go out with one.

LOL that was date not fate. I'm the typo king

Charles- You will find love again. Just think of how tough all of this has made you. The right woman will be astounded by your strength of character.

Be confident and be proud of what you have survived. Now you know how precious life is- which most people will never know. Go out there and find a woman who will be attracted to your spirit and your strength.

I have no tongue and scars but I do still get hit on on occassion

Hey Charles, Don't worry, you are going to do fine! I wrote in about when or not to tell a date about my medical history. I received a lot of good advice.

I joined match.com & am having a ball! I had a coffee date last night with a guy (who does not know about my cancer) we had a great time. I saw him glance at my neck (thats got radiation "creases") but he never said anything! On-line dating is a good way to go I find, because it gives one the ability to form a very good friendship via emails back & forth. ...No, I don't work for match.com!!!!

I'm talking to 3 guys now (taking notes to keep their facts straight) If nothing else, its a confidence builder, addicting & flirty...it's fun!

Not to be gross...but I really worried about dry mouth...kissing? It's OK!!! Lets just say..things just blend together!!! Go for it!!!...when YOUR ready!

Thank you so much for the encouraging words of wisdom! We all deserve to be loved. When this started I asked and cried to god many nights why he let this happen to me now at this point in my life; All I can do is have faith! Love you guys! Big HUGGS!!!

Charles

What wonderful, positive suggestions you've gotten above! One of my son's friends (recently divorced) just met a wonderful guy on match.com after she joined a hiking group. There are all kinds of different interest groups that you can join which seems to me to be less intimidating than a one-on-one kind of date. It's kind of like trying out the wading pool before you go into the big pool! Go for it, Charles!