Tammy,

Yes depression is a part of our cancer and it's side effects but please don't lose sight of your goal when you heard you had oral cancer and that was to beat your cancer and you did that and you should be proud that you did. Yes you have side effects but you are here for your family. You are here to see the sun come up and the moon to go down and everything in between. You are still the person you were before Tx so let that person come back and tell this part of cancer it's outta here for good.

Tammy

All the advice you have gotten is great - so good in fact that it leaves me little to add except to reinforce that your feelings are not odd or abnormal. Christmas is exceptionally tough on us oral cancer patients.
You will love Italy when you go - I wish my mother-in-law had offered to pay for us ;)- but I went in between cancer occurrences and found the pasta just the right texture to eat.
We just scheduled down times at cafe's in the plazas (in Rome) or on the canals (in Venice) to accomodate my lack of energy.
Keep posting here and enjoy OCF's version of the New normal Holiday Spirit
Charm

OMG, I am so glad I am not alone. I am trying to remember what Christmas is all about, but I have no Christmas joy or holiday spirit. I want to put a Christmas tree up, but do not have the energy to do it. I have already tol dmy family that we are staying home for Christmas and not going anywhere. So many of them are planning on coming to my home so the kids can enjoy Christmas. They are coming at different times. I will probably be in bed sleeping or at least trying to. I just do not care about Christmas this year.

I told my cousin that I would not be attending her xmas party. She made me feel pretty bad with all of her drama about missing me. I explained that I am going into the hospital on Tuesday and am not going to risk getting ill with a cold or any thing. When my mouth started to cramp I handed the phone to my wife who kindly wrapped that conversation up for me. I know how precious every day is - I wake up with a chuckle and a smile that I am alive. I hug my wife and cats first thing every day but I would not mind fast forwarding through christmas. This time of year can be torture. Thanks for letting me ramble. Good luck avoiding the blues. I wish you the very best chance of happiness and health.
Mark

Tammy,
Your lack of energy may not be depression. Have you had your thyroid checked recently. Feeling tired is one of the symptoms of hypothyroidism. If not, have your GP get a full panel thyroid test to get your TSH level. You want to keep that as close to what it was before you had radiation. Don't take an answer of it's in range because the range is fairly wide.

Try to take a walk every day, weather permitting, and enjoy the outdoors. It may help your mental attitude and improve your energy. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Take care,
Eileen

Donna, Im sorry that this year is a sad holiday season for you. Sounds like you need to be appreciated alot more. You are a wonderful person. Makes me feel bad that the people closest to you cant see how great you are. They need a good boot in the behind to wake them up.

(You should print this for them to see.)

Thanks to all of you for venting. I find myself so "weepy" this time of year because I can't do everything that I have done in the past. I am back working, but that's about all I have the energy to do. It takes me so long to eat anything, and I am so sick of Ensure that I could scream. I try to be positive for my husband because he worries about me, but it's hard. I had a good result from my last PET scan - all clear, but it is hard to keep up my spirits.

I guess I'm lucky in the fact I have small children, who have not lossed the excitement and mystery that the holiday holds. We have snow and put up the tree and some decorations...and to see the light in their eyes and the excitement in their voices...I'd go through treatment again just to see that.

Your mind and spirit are much like your physical body. If you fill your body with nothing but beer and junk food and fail to excercise, your body will not be in condition when it's called upon to perform a physical task. Fill your mind with wisdom and learning, fill it with tales of heroism and acts of extreme survival or perserverence. Focus your thoughts on the positive, the good and beautiful in life. Exercise your mind and fill your spirit with that of triumph and hope

If that does not work, seek chemical help. I've not been a survivor as long as you, however I am in a very similar position. My face is paralyzed, I haven't "worked" in two years, I'm recovering from a major surgery and I too cannot eat much and am left to Ensure and pudding. I'm done crying for what I've lost and am now looking to rise from this experience stronger and more focused then before...with a new lust for life.

Good luck to you

Eric

Tammy

Where are you? time to post.
Charm

You know I have to say that my colleagues have helped me a lot this Christmas. They told me not to worry about my kids thie Christmas. Well this afternoon two of my colleagues were at mroe door with boxes of Christmas presents for my boys and groceries for us. Many of the students at my school took part in the Christmas shopping getting the gifts for my boys. I was so excited and thrilled. I knew the gifts were coming as they spoke with me prior about those, but had no idea the groceries were coming. I cried my eyes out in joy. I have a great supportive school and miss them so much. They are going to make my kids Christmas a delight this year. I still am not in the spirit, but my kids are so ready for Christmas.