Hi Rita,

As caregiver to my hubby, T, it's been surreal. He has always been the toughest person that I have even known, and seeing him go through everything that he did, losing the weight, sitting on the sofa for a solid 8 months not talking to me except to complain that the "food" that I made was "euchy", refusing to take another can of Nutrin 1.5, or refusing to take his meds--it was--surreal. T also, was "mean" but I was tough, because I knew I had to be, for I am a softy. He was calling me "the Nazi nurse"...LOL, I'm not even German!!! Really, call him out on his crappy attitude. I did this regularly and it was one of the hardest things that I have ever done because that is NOT me. But after all the tx was done, he thanked me and we cried.

I also, found that bringing something in that gives him unparalled joy into the picture, removed him from his intensity. At first I thought that it would be a strain on him, but it worked, for he fought to get stronger, to smile, to feel better and for him, that was watching my new grandson. Let me tell you, he was never the attentive father, in fact, quite the opposite, but the grandson did the trick. So my daughter brought him over regularly and the change in him was the ticket.

He also, found that watching the food network helped him to stimulate his need to taste anything, and to taste new foods. Believe me, I am a fabulous cook (sorry, I had to pat myself on the back) and that is all he could think about... How much he missed everything good that I made. So gradually, I began to add some of his favorite recipes back into his meals, even if I had to alter them to make them saucier, which I am still doing.

I was told by his team from the beginning that it was up to me to get him through this, and I hate to tell you, but you are the backbone of the family, the marriage, and the healing process. Be strong and don't let him get you down. Go outside and take a walk and scream to the top of your lungs, cry alone, and never let him see you sweat. Oh baby, it's hard...I know, we have been married for 26 years and how do you change your constitution when all he has ever known is what he is used to seeing? I did it and so can you. If he sees that you are tough and you tell him that this is your cancer too, he will gradually understand that he has to move up to the plate and hit that ball into the grandstand!!

Good luck and God bless you.