Hello Rita and welcome to OCF.

David couldn't have said it better and as I've said on more then one occassion, the job of the caregiver is tough. As a patient, I can't relate to what you must be going through, however I believe I can relate to your husband.

I was wrapped up in who I was and what I did prior to cancer. I was a physically imposing guy that had 5 sick days in my career...and 3 of those I used to go to Vegas. I felt like a superhero waking up everyday, working 70+ hrs per week, coaching my sons wrestling, working out, running and reveling in my poker night every week. Now I'm a limp, skinny, drooling, deformed shell of who I used to be. Mentally and emotionally it's exhausting coping and putting on the "happy" face for my kids and my wife....lately I haven't been strong there as chemically I'm not balanced. All this and I'm a year and 4 months out of radiation/chemo and one year out of my major surgery.

Like you, we lost almost everything, we went from a healthy 6 figure income to 1/3 of that in this past year as my wife lost her job due to the economy right after I went down. What that did to me mentally was devastating...going from superman to disability and not the provider or even self sufficient.

Sorry for the long winded response but the short version is he needs help coping with what he's lost. A book that helped me was Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning" (you can order from Amazon through the OCF link and that will give OCF 4%) in which I read a quote from Nietzche that I live by now..."He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." Also somebody for him to talk to or someone to relate to. I have a friend of mine that I grew up with and he was a Police Officer before he became a quadriplegic...I talk to him daily and see his challenges and it helps me cope with my own.

My heart goes out to you Rita, my wife has had to be my strength now for over a year and a half and there isn't a moment that goes by that I don't count myself lucky for her...she's my "why".

Be well

Eric